God Please Destroy My Room Mate!

I am pissed...beyond pissed and I want to tell you about it.

I have a room mate, my room mate doubles as one of my "best friends". You may remember his name appearing in some stories as "Special K".

I have an announcement to make about Special K.... I hate him and I hope he burns in the eternal fires of hell! Let me tell you why.

When Special K and I first moved in we were notified that we needed to call the gas company and have service switched over from the previous resident over to us. I asked Special K to call the gas company and arrange for service but he failed to take care of that in the first week. I approached Special K and asked...

Yours Truly: did you call the gas company?

Special K: no, I thought you were taking care of that.

Yours Truly: well I have the cable and internet in my name so I would like you to split the responsibility and put the gas in your name.

Special K: OK, fine (in an angry tone)

Then last night I come home and the stove isn't working and immediately following the stove the heater stops working. You should have seen the look on my face! I slowly turn my attention towards Special K...

Yours Truly: did you call the gas company last week like I asked you to?

Special K: no not yet.

Yours Truly: you must be the dumbest man alive! Call tomorrow morning!!

Then I get a phone call the next morning from Special K explaining that the gas company wont be able to send out a technician to turn the gas on for another 6 days. Apparently if he called before they turned it off it would have been an instant switch but because the gas was actually turned off it will require a technician to set all the pilot lights.

P.S. Its going to snow tonight and the high temperature is 17 degrees Fahrenheit.

I would like to take this moment and pray to God.

Dear God

I ask that you take Special K and bestow upon him the most severe pain possible on a human being. Have no mercy on him God for he is a fool beyond the limits of foolishness. Set fire to his balls and impale his anus with a hot iron spike, cast his worthless soul to the depth of hell and punish him time and time again until the end of eternity. Amen

Iran To The Rescue!

Sometimes I wonder how troublesome Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad would be without the "spiritual" backing of the Ayatollah, Ali Khamenei. Yesterday Khamenei remarked to the Iraqi president..

"The first step to resolve the insecurity in Iraq is the withdrawal of the occupiers and handing over the security issues to the Iraqi government, which is backed by the people," state television quoted Khamenei as telling Talabani in their meeting.

"Some U.S. agents in the region are the middle men for implementing American policies and creating an insecure Iraq ...

"Supporting terrorist groups in Iraq and igniting insecurity ... will be very dangerous for America's agents and also the region,"

Riiiiight, as if 24 years of Saddam Hussein fueled Sunni/Shi'a hatred had nothing to do with it. I would be extremely interested to see how Iraqi security forces would fare against their fellow countrymen. (by the way, I have abandoned the concept that those fighting each other and those fighting the U.S. troops are "insurgents" from other countries) I would also be interested to know how many of those security members are invested in sectarian fighting and support themselves.

"U.S. agents in the region"? Ahhh of course...ISRAEL! If only we had previously known the Mossad was at work in Iraq giving Sunnis and Shi'as more reasons to hate each other. I'm willing to criticize Israel when necessary but a claim like that is simply intellectual laziness. Whatever, I guess every country needs an arch rival or maybe two.

The Pope Live On Pay-Per View

Last month Muslim leaders accepted Benedict XVI's invitation for a dialogue between the two faiths but no one reported on it. I agree with George Weigel that the world media would rather report on "politics, especially the politics of a potential clash of civilizations" instead of a "response of 38 Muslim leaders" in what was titled an"Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI".

The pope arrives in Turkey today and there may not be a better time than the present to acknowledge a planned dialogue between the Pope and Islamic leaders, especially considering the growing fury and threat of violence in Turkey over the Popes visit. For God's sake they are abandoning the Pope-mobile over security concerns and have replaced it with a high-tech armoured vehicle that uses scrambling frequencies to disrupt electronic guided attacks. James Bond is drooling!

So what about the Islamic/Christian Dialogue?

Personally I think the 'dialogue' should be played on Pay-Per View and hosted at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino. It would be a COLOSSAL event of epic proportions, I imagine it like this...

The Interview- An interview via satellite hosted on ESPN between the participants, during which the Pope and his opponents would yell at each other from their satellite TV screens while the host of the show fruitlessly attempts to mediate.

The Press Conference-Hosted by the debate promoter, none other than Don King himself. As usual Don King would do all the talking while the combatants sit at opposite ends of the table and stare into the cameras avoiding eye contact.

The Weigh In- 3 days before the fight the Pontiff and His worthy adversaries will meet in a televised weigh in wherein the men strip down to their undies, step on the scale and flex their muscles as the official debate Doctor reads off the mens weight. I predict the Pope to be at an even 218 lbs.

The Fight- No undercard bouts for this match, just the main event. As for the results, I wont make any predictions, you'll just have to watch it live on Pay-Per View but maybe you have a prediction for me.

Conversation With Dad

Last week for Thanksgiving I went home to my parents house for the first time in a couple months. Going home to my parents house totally sucks ass, I get severely bored plus keeping my father in a positive, not complaining, not yelling and not depressing mood is impossible. Trying to keep him in a good mood so he doesn't terrorize my family and I has been my chief duty for most of my life and as the years roll by the job hasn't gotten any easier. There is a formula to approaching the situation and it goes as follows...

1. Avoid eye contact.
2. Walk away slowly and calmly.
3. In the event of an attack drop into the fetal position.

Wait that's for bear attacks. Hmmm well whatever.

On Thanksgiving I walked into the house, gave my mother a hug and said hello to my father who was sitting on the computer inhaling as much news and politics as he could (I wonder where I get it from). If I'm right about his patterns he was in the same spot doing the same thing since 6 that morning. He didn't acknowledge my hello but that's not unusual, when my father is reading he is virtually dead to the world. When I was a kid me and my friend had a game we would play, the object was to see how obnoxious and loud we could be (while he is reading) in the same room before he would take notice. I could probably pee on my dads head while he reads without incident.

After saying hello I sat down in the adjacent kitchen to keep my Mom company while she cooked which reminds me of another topic, my Moms cooking! Some of the food made me salivate and some of the food made me gag but whatever, I will get to that on another post.

When enough time had passed I decided to break the ice with my Dad...

Yours Truly: Hey Dad did you hear about the police torture videos in Egypt? (remember I hadn't seen my family in months so this was a fresh topic between the two of us)

My Dad: The police torture people in Egypt, what about it, you didn't know the police torture people in Egypt?

Yours Truly: Yea but now there are videos of it on the internet.

My Dad: Videos, by who? The BBC were watching with a camera crew or something? (very sarcastic tone)

Yours Truly: No obviously not, the police were video taping it for their own entertainment.

My Dad: Yebni (my son) its a video on the internet, anyone can take a video of whatever and say it was whoever, don't bother me with stupid stuff.

Yours Truly: What are you talking about, you acknowledge there is torture in Egypt, is it inconceivable that someone would video tape it? Plus who would subject themself to clearly painful torture like having a stick shoved up their ass just so some Egyptians in Chicago can talk about it?

My Dad: Listen, I don't care about Egypt anymore, the country is shit now, all I care about is our family there and that's it so just shut up with this crap.

So much for keeping him calm and positive.

Question Time.

A stolen idea from Carmen

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Whom would you blow up?
I hate so many people, I can't begin to imagine who I would bless with an explosion. My hit list is a constantly changing document but currently heading the list is a particularly obnoxious heifer from the western U.S. who I want to strangle within an inch of her life and maybe detonate too! (too violent?)

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
There is a rapper named Tony Yayo, he is easily the least talented of all the worlds musicians.



3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Tony Yayo

4. What is your favorite cheese?
Fresh mozzarella. Most people outside of the eastern U.S. have no idea what that is but its not just your usual mozzarella, its actually a soft water based goat cheese mozzarella that is so delicious the only words that could describe it are *scrum-diddly-umptous*

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
A chicken cutlet sandwich with roasted red peppers, fresh mozzarella and Italian dressing on french bread.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Jeez, I don't know. Probably Eva Mendez


7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Why are these questions so hard? There are several women that come to mind but the problem is that the woman of my dreams doesn't exist. Where do I find the beauty of Haifa with the buttocks of Serena Williams and the grace and class of some woman God has yet to create. The closest thing would have to be a tie between two Arabic singers Marwa and Melissa. watch the videos, you'll thank me!

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Wastefully certainly. I would probably buy myself and some friends dinner like an idiot.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Egypt. Why Egypt? Where else am I going to get room and board for free? Plus I need to make a visit back there anyway.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
First I would ask myself, "who is the poor American tourist who lost his $100 bill?" then I pick it up, exchange it for 600 Egyptian Pounds spend half of it on crap, take the other half and fly to Dubai for a couple days.

11. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Taxes!! I would set up the tax laws that would make me (the King) filthy rich.

12. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
My show would be called "Rump Shaker" it would be an HOUR long featuring women of my choice shaking their butts in the camera. (too much butt fantasy?)

13. What is your favorite curse word?
In Arabic, "Rooh Shookh ala Neffsek" in other words "Go poop on yourself"

14. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Ask for their names and see if we're related.

15. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?
Certainly my laptop, my life would be on pause without it.

16. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Take a nap on my couch or eat a chicken cutlet sandwich.

17. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
I've always wanted to read minds but can you imagine how disturbing that would be. Think about all the crazy crap that passes through your mind. You know the stuff you say just because no one can hear it. I think you would kill yourself after 2 days. I think I will choose the power to instantly transport myself anywhere at any time.

18. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
This might sound depressing but there is not one single half hour in my life I would relive again. Nothing in my mind stands out as 'worth it'.

19. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?
Why cant I go to my private Island? Whatever, if I was rich I would go to Brazil, if I was poor I would go to France.

20. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, ... I can FLOAT!"?
Float? Like hover? I guess I would "float" over to my friend Easy Money's place and tell him I can "float". What a stupid question! Seriously "float"?

21. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
I have a deep hate for celebrities and celebrity worship! However I would bring back Abdel Halim Hafez because it would make everyone happy and maybe even inspire peace in the Middle East. (yea right)

22. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My Uncle, he was sick for at least 10 years before he died and I know my mother misses him. I miss him too. I don't have a deep attachment to the dead though, I fairly easily accept death as part of life.

23. What's your theme song?
Sir Mix-a-Lot - Baby got Back

Let's Fight!

Egypt is a land of softly whispered tension between several different groups waiting to spontaneously combust. Lets meet the combatants...

The Young Moderates- A group between the ages of 16 and 35 who desire a moderate, sectarian democracy elected by the people. Probably the smallest group in Egypt found primarily on blogs. Enemy- The Islamic Extremists


The Islamic Extremists- Consisting of all ages and social backgrounds often oppressed by unemployment. Fueled not by their faith but by their hate for America and Israel and all of their allies whether actual or assumed (Egypt's Christians). Their existence is largely thanks to the popularity of the Muslim Brotherhood, (a group that grew out of protest against British Occupation) Wahabism imported from Saudi Arabia, poverty and boredom. Enemy- Everyone

The Average Joe's- Tired, oppressed and angry and indoctrinated into extremist thinking by the thousands daily. Enemy- Everyone

The Christians- Falsely recorded by the Egyptian government as 6% of the population (closer to 12%). A constant target of animosity often spoken negatively about in social circles and sometimes targeted in public. Enemy- The Islamic extremists

What do they all have in common? They all hate Mubarak. Why?

The Young Moderates- Because he silences the opposition by any means necessary, divides foreign aid among his business partners and his generals and insists on ruling until his death despite claiming to be democratically elected.

The Islamic Extremists- Because he maintains peace with Israel, is an ally to the U.S. doesn't slaughter Christians and does not enforce Islamic law.

The Average Joe's- For all the reasons listed above

The Christians- Because he does a crappy job of protecting them from violence and hatred. Also silencing them from speaking out about it.

So what will happen when Hosni Mubarak dies and his son Gamal assumes power? Well this might help...

Political and religious enemies + Government instability = CIVIL WAR

Does this seem familiar to anyone?

Busy Bee!

I'm afraid there is no post today, I have been swamped with tasks and duties both personal and otherwise. I will however compensate for the off day tomorrow. Until then enjoy this, I cant get enough!

Abuse of Power?

Iranian student tasered and arrested at UCLA. Watch the video, read the story... Is this an abuse of power and excessive force? You tell me.

Watch the video

Read the story
Here

Graphic Web Designers Needed!

HELP WANTED!

I need someone who can provide graphic web design , I have searched internally throughout the Arab blogsphere and found nothing but blank stares so now I am looking outward for help. If you are a graphic designer and would like a sweet project then please contact me!

An Exciting Announcement pt. 2

I am very proud to announce yet another step in my personal development as a blogger and as a writer. Today I was invited to contribute in a group blog called MidEast Youth, a site encouraging dialogue between people all over the Middle East in an effort to fight ignorance and extremist ideology. I believe in the project and I am so proud to write for them. The site includes bloggers from Syria, Bahrain, Israel, Lebanon, Algeria, Nigeria, Pakistan, Palestine, Iran, Jordan, Sudan and of course myself representing Egypt. Damn right I rep. the E.G.Y.P.T. (wow that makes me proud) So please stop by and support the cause, learn something and join the fight!

Egyptian Police Arrest Demonstrators!

50 protesters were detained and 8 arrested last night by Egyptian police as they protested last months assault of women outside of the Metro Cinema in Cairo.

About 50 demonstrators, mostly women, protested in downtown Cairo against an alleged assault last month when youths attacked women strolling along a busy shopping street, groping them and tearing their clothes as police looked on.

The demonstrators wanted to protest outside the Metro Cinema, the site of last month's alleged assault. But hundreds of riot police and plainclothes security agents surrounded the protesters and pushed and shoved them into a nearby coffee shop and closed the doors.

This round up by the Egyptian police marks a culmination of several issues in Egypt which include, the government and police turning a blind eye to increasing sexual harassment of women and the government and police trying to silence those who speak out about Egypt's social problems.

Mubarak is under the gun right now, he is aware of the increasing opposition to his indefinite rule, he fears a struggle for power surrounding his sons takeover and most paramount he fears unwanted negative attention being brought to Egypt. Negative attention can very easily cause a drop in tourism dollars and negative attention could cause the U.S. to apply pressure on him, after all Egypt is the beneficiary of approximately 1 billion U.S. dollars annually and it wouldn't take much for a brand new congress to say, "I think its time we pulled your funds".

There's a lot at stake here and who do the government run newspapers blame for all this negative attention? People like me, Egyptian bloggers. Also the Arabist has been blocked by the Egyptian government so don't expect bloggers like Abdul Kareem to be freed any time soon. Let the oppression continue!

Pictures of the arrests Here and here

What's Happening To Me?

I have always hated sushi, it has never been my thing. Often times I have been invited out with friends to go to some nice sushi place and I always decline saying, "I would rather eat out of a dumpster". Sometimes I go anyways in the interest of social interaction, generally I'm that guy at the sushi place trying to order french fries, I know you've seen me. Also I'm one of those people with staunch opinions which rarely bend or fold so when I tell someone I hate sushi I always reiterate my distaste whenever the topic arises...

Yours Truly: I couldn't help over hearing you guys talking about sushi...how do you eat that crap?

Recently I was at my friend "Easy Money's" house watching a basketball game when his brother "Socrates" arrived with $30 worth of sushi from one of Chicago's "best" sushi restaurants. Naturally I had to say something...

Yours Truly: Eww Sushi?

Socrates: I love it, I could eat it everyday.

Yours Truly: How much did that cost you?

Socrates: 30 bucks.

Yours Truly: Right and wouldn't you rather spend 30 bucks on a fine steak, appetizer and drink instead of cold slimy raw fish.

Socrates: No way I love this!

Yours Truly: 30 bucks for raw fish and white rice, as we speak some Japanese businessmen are laughing at you while they count their money!

Socrates: Here why don't you try some?

Yours Truly: I'll try it just to remind myself how gross it is.

So I popped what looked like rice, seaweed and a spider on top into my mouth. I can't say I was completely repelled by it but not satisfied by it either. It tasted just as I had remembered, cold, slimy, bland and unsatisfying.

Fast forward two weeks later. I am sitting talking to some friends trying to figure out what to eat for lunch, I have a desire for something that's not greasy or overly filling so I walk to the cafeteria and what strikes my eye? Sushi! I looked at it like it was a long lost enemy, like two cowboys waiting to draw our pistols. A tray of 9 pieces, "looks healthy". I felt bitter when I picked it up, I grabbed a bag of chips and a bottle of water to help equalize the guilt. I payed and returned to my friends. As I sat there looking at my "meal" (the above picture) I found myself lost and confused, staring at the sushi. Then my friend "Adrian" looked at me and said...

Adrian: Whats wrong aren't you going to eat that?

Yours Truly: I'm not sure, I feel guilty like I am betraying myself. I have hated sushi for so long, If I eat this does that make me a hypocrite?

Adrian: Hmm that's tough.

Yours Truly: You're supposed to say "NO" and make me feel better!

Adrian: Just eat it!

So I ate the damn sushi, piece by piece, doused in soy sauce and topped with wasabi. I put waaaaaaaay to much wasabi, after each bite I grabbed my nose and screamed "WASAAAAABIIIII"!!!!!!! What's happening to me, I'm eating sushi like some damn hippie and kind of enjoying it. Is this the end of the world as we know it? Either way I know some people who will be glad to hear the news just so they can rub it in my face!

Israel to Iran: "Iran Must Start To Fear"

Oh man, should I go ahead and put my popcorn in the microwave? I think the show is about to begin because Ehud Olmert is pissed and he's openly threatening Iran,

"President (Mahmoud) Ahmadinejad is a man who is ready to commit crimes against humanity, and he has to be stopped."

"But I don't believe that Iran will accept such compromise unless they have good reason to fear the consequences of not reaching a compromise."In other words, Iran must start to fear."

Wow them's fightin words and Iran's foreign ministry spokesman has a response,

"Israel does not have the means and the capability to dare threaten Iran... if it commits such a stupidity the Islamic republic and its defenders will give a destructive response within a second," Hosseini said Sunday.

Either that's a Hezbollah style threat* or an admission of having the weapons they've denied having.

Let me spell this out for everyone. Olmert made these statements on the eve of a five day summit in the U.S. where he will of course meet with George W. He wants us to give Iran something to "fear" and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we actually put troops on the ground. You don't need me to tell you that's completely out of the question, we have our own problems to deal with and its about time the U.S. starts covering its own ass. My recommendation to Olmert...SAVE YOUR OWN ASS! Stop calling on your big brother to resolve your fights.

Seriously what a colossal coward Olmert is, he threatens Iran suggesting he will give them something to fear and then runs to the U.S. for protection. Could someone remind me why we protect Israel again, are they sitting on top of some huge oil reserve? I thought we were capitalists, could someone please tell me what's in it for us? Anyways I have to go, my popcorn is ready, enjoy the show!

*Hezbollah style threat- when you threaten to use weapons you don't have, subsequently getting your ass kicked.

source:Iran to reply 'destructively' to any Israeli attack

I Want To Eat Your Baby!

That's not a doll or a drawing thats a real live fat ass Chinease baby! This baby is so fat and juicy I would like to put it in the oven and eat it for Thanksgiving!

When Will You Take Notice?

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Violence and civilian casualties are more common in the occupied territories than Palestinian Americans and liquor stores. It is so common that I have to admit I generally scan right past reports of IDF clashes in Gaza and the West Bank, sadly it has become so common I find it negligible. I have to say my opinions regarding the conflict have grown out of extensive research, conferences and my own hunger for information. I only wish more people would voluntarily expose themselves to the copious amounts of information available in this information age in which we live.

However some days I stumble upon information that strikes me as shocking to the whole world, something that is immune to bias and spin, today was one of those days.

At least 19 Palestinians, including ten children, and 7 women were killed, early Wednesday, by Israeli tanks in the northern Gaza Strip.

Palestinian witnesses say artillery shells from Israeli tanks struck seven houses in Beit Hanoun in the pre-dawn hours, Wednesday. Hospital emergency rooms in Gaza City say more than 50 people were wounded in the attack - most of them women and children who were struck by the shells as they slept.

"We pulled out bodies, all women and children, dismembered, without heads or hands," Khaled Abu Saada, a Palestinian ambulance driver who evacuated the wounded to hospitals, told Ynet News.

One of the women standing near the street said she had lost four of her children in the incident.

Is it so hard to sympathize with the pain and suffering of other human beings, our brothers and sisters regardless of race or religion? I already hear the objections, "it's an isolated incident", "these things happen in war", "Israel is only defending itself". Those excuses are allowed to permeate once, maybe twice but I want you to remember this incident and remember it the next time it happens and the time after that because I know most of us have already forgotten the countless times it has happened before!

update: Olmert says the bombing on homes in Beit Hanoun were caused by, "Technical failure" and that further mistakes "may happen". Thanks pal, next time you massacre a bunch of women and children we'll rest easy knowing you warned us ahead of time!

Thank You Haifa Wahbe!

I have to extend a very special thanks to Haifa Wahbe, I can thank her for a considerable amount of traffic on my site. "But Shobrawy, how so?" It's quite simple really. Every so often I check my Statcounter to see who's visiting my site and how they got here. On average there are approximately 15-20 separate visitors from separate locations who arrived here via a search for the picture you see above. I guess I have to thank the photographer for taking such a stunning picture and the manufacturer of those color contacts and all the baby whales who were sacrificed in order to produce all that make-up!

other searches which brought people to my site
-Sexiest hijab
-Egypt Sucks
-Hosni Mubarak; douche

The funny thing is that I have never used any of those words next to each other on this blog....Ever!

My Pissed Off Response

I received an Email yesterday from a Palestine interest group, which I used to coordinate with, requesting my support in condemning Saddam's execution, the following is my response:

To S---- D-----

I hope you and your organizers burn in the eternal fires of hell for supporting a man who did such evil and despicable things to men women and children. Your hero is a man who would have sent his henchmen to kill your father, rape your mother and torture your siblings had he suspected you had anything but undying devotion to his politics. You're lucky you live in a country that allows you to spread such ignorant filth, remember that when you are sending emails and spreading your falsehoods about America. It's people like you and your supporters that keep our people from progressing and who damage legitimate causes. Tonight I will open my heart to the heavens and pray that you are whisked away in the middle of the night by men with covered faces and subsequently tortured by having a red hot steel rod shoved up your bung-hole!

Yours Truly

D.B. Shobrawy

New Outlook Or Desperate Last Words?

Today Saddam Hussein, AKA Dead Man Walking, appeared in court today to face his second round of charges. Instead of the usual self serving and defiant posture we've seen since the beginning of his trial, Saddam appeared subdued and saddened today as he heard testimony from survivors of the Kurdish massacre of 1988. Saddam was so subdued that he even had a plea for himself and for the Iraqi people:

In a stark contrast to his defiance on Sunday, when he was sentenced to death by hanging, Saddam cited references to the Prophet Mohamed and to Jesus, whom he said had asked for forgiveness for those who opposed them. "I call on all Iraqis, Arabs and Kurds to forgive, reconcile and shake hands," he said.

This from the man who slaughtered his enemies and rivals since the very first day of his rule.

Video of Saddam receiving his verdict. Good stuff!


Saddam Sings!

How To Spot An American Born Terrorist

I received a comment on my last post by "d.b. Admirer" saying, "d.b. would you educate us about how to spot an American terrorist for your next blog entry? Thanks very much. :) " At first I thought what a weird request, then I remembered that I promised to write a post by that title over 2 weeks ago. What a colossal ASS I am for forgetting. Well thank you to my personal admirer for reminding me, its about time my readers made suggestions on posts! Anyway, as promised...

How To Spot An American Born Terrorist

1. Is a huge fan of 9/11 conspiracy theories specifically those which leave Osama bin Laden innocent and which find Jew's guilty!

2. Has at some point traveled to the Middle East for an extended amount of time to "learn Arabic".

3. Rolls his pant legs up so that his pants don't touch the "impure ground".

4. Doesn't speak Arabic but uses Arabic terms habitually especially in contexts in which they marginally apply for example, "Walla (I swear to God) bro I'm so hungry" and "I only eat halal, humdullilah (thank God)"

5. Describes non-Iraqi insurgents as people defending their country.

6. Is angry about and objects to Saddam Hussein's death sentence.

7. Hates Palestinians but protests over Israel's occupation of the West Bank and Gaza Strip.

8. Insists that ALL civilians killed in Iraq were killed by the hands of the U.S. and completely ignores the fact that the large majority of civilians have been killed by other Muslims in sectarian skirmishes.

9. Has a wife that looks like this...


















10. Sincerely believes Hezbollah defeated Israel and believes anyone who thinks otherwise is a Zionist.

11. Argues that countries that don't practice Shari'a are not Muslim countries regardless of their mostly Muslim population.

12. Hates Housni Mubarak, not because he is a perpetual leader and dictator but because he accepts money from the U.S. and doesn't fight Israel.

13. Is not Saudi Arabian but cheers for Saudi Arabia during World Cup.

14. Denies al Qaeda exists and describes Osama bin Laden as a good Muslim.

15. Refers to all non Muslims, specifically Americans as Kaffir's (Infidels)

Todays Soldiers/Tomorrows Vet's

Today I was riding the "L" into downtown, I was people watching as I always do, observing the faces and making assessments. One of the people who caught my eye was an older man wearing a beret with Vietnam veteran pins all over it. I can't exactly put my finger on it but something always stands out about a veteran, specifically Vietnam vet's, they have a look of pain and a life's path gone astray. Maybe I'm being an idealist but it always strikes me as sad they seem so tragically forgotten. I try to put myself in their shoes and imagine what they have seen, what they have done and it terrifies me.

Coincidentally there was another veteran on the train an amputee wearing army fatigues, sitting in a wheel chair. 40 years from now, will these be our Iraq vet's, these poor young men now aged who gave up their innocence and limbs for my "freedom". It brings you back to reality and puts a face on the conflict, there are men dying over there having their legs blown off, making the ultimate sacrifice but for what? You could always draw positive reasons for a war, some how some way but does the cause truly justify their sacrifice? I'm not so sure it does.

Oh God, The Irony!

So I lied, there was a drop in publishing but not because I don't have internet, I hacked into a connection as soon as I got here. The drop in publishing is due to me being thoroughly exhausted! Yesterday me and my friend Q ball moved in the last of my things, it was an all day event and we were ready to pass out, we were hot and sweaty and thirsty so I opened the fridge out of curiosity and found a box of beer, I looked up to the heavens and said, "is this a blessing in disguise?" Disguised by the fact that I don't like beer or alcohol really but as I stood there staring at the bottles I remembered every beer commercial I had ever seen, I remembered all those faces of sweat transformed into refreshness by ice cold bottles of beer. Was it true, could this yellow, piss flavored liquid quench my thirst? I popped one open, threw another to Q ball and poured the fizzy contents into my mouth. Take it from me, if your hot and sweaty and in need of refreshment, go ahead and drink a beer because it was delicious. I sat there on the couch in astonishment as if I was breathing air for the first time.

Later on I heard a knock at the door. I answered the door, it was my new neighbor who wanted to say hello and ask if I needed anything so I had him grab a couple things from the car and move them in. I guess he was trying to be a good neighbor because after that he invited me over. We stepped over to his place and as he opened his door a HUGE billow of smoke came rolling out but he just walked right through it as if wasn't there. Then the smell hit me...Weed! I turned to my new neighbor and said, "is this your home or Snoop Dogg's tour bus?" What luck I have, I sincerely HATE pot heads! Anyways, he gave me the tour and introduced me to his completely roasted friends, then I paused, looked around and realized, oh my God these guys are Arab! "Is this really happening to me, can't I escape these people!?" A Palestinian guy, a Lebanese guy and some others, the rest were Pakistani which aren't Arabs but close enough for the purposes of this post.

So here I am standing in the middle of a smoke filled room amongst a bunch of A-rabs, with "ALLAH" inscribed on the wall in Arabic. I want to be a good neighbor though so I look at my neighbor and his friends and say, "thanks for your help, I have plenty of beer, do you want some?" A guy with a joint in his mouth looks at me and says, "no man, we don't drink!" I look at him and say, "right, right, because alcohol is haram (a sin), I should know better"...........Oh God, the irony!