Conversation With Dad

Last week for Thanksgiving I went home to my parents house for the first time in a couple months. Going home to my parents house totally sucks ass, I get severely bored plus keeping my father in a positive, not complaining, not yelling and not depressing mood is impossible. Trying to keep him in a good mood so he doesn't terrorize my family and I has been my chief duty for most of my life and as the years roll by the job hasn't gotten any easier. There is a formula to approaching the situation and it goes as follows...

1. Avoid eye contact.
2. Walk away slowly and calmly.
3. In the event of an attack drop into the fetal position.

Wait that's for bear attacks. Hmmm well whatever.

On Thanksgiving I walked into the house, gave my mother a hug and said hello to my father who was sitting on the computer inhaling as much news and politics as he could (I wonder where I get it from). If I'm right about his patterns he was in the same spot doing the same thing since 6 that morning. He didn't acknowledge my hello but that's not unusual, when my father is reading he is virtually dead to the world. When I was a kid me and my friend had a game we would play, the object was to see how obnoxious and loud we could be (while he is reading) in the same room before he would take notice. I could probably pee on my dads head while he reads without incident.

After saying hello I sat down in the adjacent kitchen to keep my Mom company while she cooked which reminds me of another topic, my Moms cooking! Some of the food made me salivate and some of the food made me gag but whatever, I will get to that on another post.

When enough time had passed I decided to break the ice with my Dad...

Yours Truly: Hey Dad did you hear about the police torture videos in Egypt? (remember I hadn't seen my family in months so this was a fresh topic between the two of us)

My Dad: The police torture people in Egypt, what about it, you didn't know the police torture people in Egypt?

Yours Truly: Yea but now there are videos of it on the internet.

My Dad: Videos, by who? The BBC were watching with a camera crew or something? (very sarcastic tone)

Yours Truly: No obviously not, the police were video taping it for their own entertainment.

My Dad: Yebni (my son) its a video on the internet, anyone can take a video of whatever and say it was whoever, don't bother me with stupid stuff.

Yours Truly: What are you talking about, you acknowledge there is torture in Egypt, is it inconceivable that someone would video tape it? Plus who would subject themself to clearly painful torture like having a stick shoved up their ass just so some Egyptians in Chicago can talk about it?

My Dad: Listen, I don't care about Egypt anymore, the country is shit now, all I care about is our family there and that's it so just shut up with this crap.

So much for keeping him calm and positive.