Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Oh God, The Irony!



So I lied, there was a drop in publishing but not because I don't have internet, I hacked into a connection as soon as I got here. The drop in publishing is due to me being thoroughly exhausted! Yesterday me and my friend Q ball moved in the last of my things, it was an all day event and we were ready to pass out, we were hot and sweaty and thirsty so I opened the fridge out of curiosity and found a box of beer, I looked up to the heavens and said, "is this a blessing in disguise?" Disguised by the fact that I don't like beer or alcohol really but as I stood there staring at the bottles I remembered every beer commercial I had ever seen, I remembered all those faces of sweat transformed into refreshness by ice cold bottles of beer. Was it true, could this yellow, piss flavored liquid quench my thirst? I popped one open, threw another to Q ball and poured the fizzy contents into my mouth. Take it from me, if your hot and sweaty and in need of refreshment, go ahead and drink a beer because it was delicious. I sat there on the couch in astonishment as if I was breathing air for the first time.

Later on I heard a knock at the door. I answered the door, it was my new neighbor who wanted to say hello and ask if I needed anything so I had him grab a couple things from the car and move them in. I guess he was trying to be a good neighbor because after that he invited me over. We stepped over to his place and as he opened his door a HUGE billow of smoke came rolling out but he just walked right through it as if wasn't there. Then the smell hit me...Weed! I turned to my new neighbor and said, "is this your home or Snoop Dogg's tour bus?" What luck I have, I sincerely HATE pot heads! Anyways, he gave me the tour and introduced me to his completely roasted friends, then I paused, looked around and realized, oh my God these guys are Arab! "Is this really happening to me, can't I escape these people!?" A Palestinian guy, a Lebanese guy and some others, the rest were Pakistani which aren't Arabs but close enough for the purposes of this post.

So here I am standing in the middle of a smoke filled room amongst a bunch of A-rabs, with "ALLAH" inscribed on the wall in Arabic. I want to be a good neighbor though so I look at my neighbor and his friends and say, "thanks for your help, I have plenty of beer, do you want some?" A guy with a joint in his mouth looks at me and says, "no man, we don't drink!" I look at him and say, "right, right, because alcohol is haram (a sin), I should know better"...........Oh God, the irony!

7 Comments:

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Rhino-itall said...

Good luck man. I used to live next door to some potheads in Brooklyn. The guy used to come home late on weeknights and then walk his dog ON THE ROOF! (i lived on the top floor)
I was nice at first, but that didn't work, so i eventually told him "next time you walk your dog on the roof i'm coming up there and throwing you and him off!"

The guy moved out a month or two later.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger Egypeter said...

Dude, that was one hilarious story! And very well told, I might add.

Did they know you were Egyptian when you first met?

Lol. I enjoyed your description of the fizzy being refreshing after hard labor. I concur. There's nothing quite like a good brew after sweatin'. Have you tried Goose Island, it's a Chicago beer.

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Rambling Hal said...

Move. Move right now. Go pack up before you throw out the boxes, call Q ball and offer him the rest of the beer if he's there within the hour. Wtf, doesn't matter if you have no where to go, nothing wrong with the street corner. Just move.

Otherwise, they're gonna suck you in man. You're a goner.

 
At 4:28 PM, Blogger Egyptian magician said...

I just want to reiterate that you are a Muslim and you should not drink. It is haram. Even if those idiots smoke weed, that does not give you a license to drink. Allah forgives if you turn from your ways.

 
At 10:28 PM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

Pete- Actually the lebanese guy asked me where i was from and guessed I was Egyptian. I've never had goose island, i very rarely drink, but i'll give it a try.

Hal- ahhh isnt that cute, your worried about me!

Egyptian Magi- Kiss my ripe booty!

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger Egyptian magician said...

At least you're a rare drinker. There's still hope for you!!!

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger Zee Puppette said...

The world has just gotten a bit better...uft.

 

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