Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Sifting Through The Rubbish

My analysis through pictures

Love this pic! This guy is an Iraqi soldier and he looks like a bad ass, generally when you see Iraqi soldiers they have this scared and timid look on their faces. They remind me of the guys who approach you in the street and ask to shine your shoes, no honor or bravery whatsoever. Seriously look at this gun! Iraq needs about 250,000 more of these guys.

These are your typical Iraqi soldiers. Look at these goofy bastards! They look like shoe shine boys and I think the guy on the right has crossed eyes. He probably scored extremely low on the shooting test and got stuck doing kitchen duty.

Imagine this, you're in the Army and you carry this HUGE gun and you have to wear a scarf around your face to protect your identity. This guy particular is covering his face because his post is close to his home and if his neighbors find out he's a soldier he could end up a statistic.

I found this propaganda garbage on Flickr. In case you cant read the sub portion it says...

"One Person

634 American Soldiers Killed
206 American Soldiers Wounded
23 American Officers Killed
11 American Snipers Killed"

This scum bag probably doesn't know his face is plastered all over the Internet, you should have an easier time finding him and killing him, right?

By the way, I'm assuming this guy is JUBA and apparently he has returned from somewhere, I'm not quite sure where.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Five Things You Dont Know

A tag from Arima

Five things you (probably) don't know about me.

1. I am an Egyptian nationalist to the extent that when listening to Arabic music I ONLY prefer Egyptian singers, I cant stand the sound of non-Egyptian Arabic dialects, every Egyptian I meet feels like a brother or a sister to me and I have trouble taking a relationship seriously unless the girl is Egyptian.

2. I talk to strangers where ever I go, the grocery store, at the bank, the airport, in traffic and especially in restaurants Its never a simple "hi how are you". I enjoy saying weird things to strangers. Something inside me really enjoys when they give me that crazy look like, "dont talk to me or I'll kill you" but when they have a clever response its like finding my soul mate. I've made alot of friends that way. Some of my friends hate when I do that, "its embarrassing" which makes me do it even more.

3. I read the encyclopedia several times a day for entertainment. I wish I was joking but I will seriously look up anything and everything on or Wikipedia. I soak up information quickly, long before the Internet was common I was known for containing alot of so called "useless information", my friends consult me several times a day to ask the most random questions.

4. I have no Patience for people who become visibly uncomfortable in "ethnic" environments. I once took a group of American friends to an Arabic restaurant. When the waitress came to take our order one of the guys interrogated her about the contents of the food, asking the Arab waitress, "does this have any weird spices in it?" After realizing he couldn't pronounce anything on the menu and discovering they didnt have french fries, he decided not to eat and ordered a Pepsi. The waitress responded, "a Pepsi? OK, I promise there are no 'weird spices' in the Pepsi either". How embarrassing.

5. I can eat an extraordinary amount of hot sauce, my tolerance for hot food is obscene. There is a restaurant nearby famous for how hot their chicken wings are. They have three levels of hotness: Hot, Suicide and Psycho. The record for Psycho wings was once set at 6, my friend dared me to eat 4, I went in and had 8. These wings were no joke, I almost died as a result! Later on in the day my hands started to burn like they were on fire and my stomach was boiling like hot coals in my gut, like a demon dancing in my stomach! I rolled around on the ground for hours screaming! I still don't know what damage I might have done to my body but I will tell you this... The pain in my stomach was nothing in comparison to the pain in my ass after I expelled the demon!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Lebanon: On The Way Back

My friends father, who controlled his own militia during the Lebanese civil wars, once told me a story about sectarian violence in Lebanon.

He was standing in line at a bakery at about 7 o'clock at night. He was one of the few grown men there, most of the customers were women and children buying for their families. He himself was a soldier but few others knew that as he stood there with only a pistol hidden beneath his street clothes. Suddenly in the middle of a heavily crowded bakery a mortar went off. When he saw the flash and heard the bang he dove down and after picking himself up he saw that everyone was dead except for himself and two others. Women and children were laying on the ground with their limbs blown off, decapitated, intestines spilled out and he, the only soldier in the bakery, was alive.

If that's what the Lebanese want again they are well on their way.

Please Kill Each Other

Personal message to Fatah and Hamas.

Please kill each other into mutual extinction and make Palestine a better place!

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Every time a Lebanese official dies Syria isn't just suspected, they are tried and found guilty before the autopsy can be conducted. Now Egyptian officials are following the same method and who is their new scape goat? Iran of course! Baseless finger pointing has become the international standard of conflict resolution. God save us all!

Friday, January 26, 2007

6 Degrees of Separation

Lets play a fun little game.

Recently a friend and I were sharing personal stories about the Middle East when we realized that we know a lot of famous and influential people through just one or two of our friends or family. It reminded me of the six degrees of separation theory, the theory that all people in the world know each other through at least 5 people (with yourself being one, 1+5=6).

I decided to write down a list of people I know within as little seperations as possible.

But first here are the rules.

1. Each person in the chain of people must know the following person in the link PERSONALLY. For example: If your Dad's, friends, accountant once gave Brad Pitt directions to McDonalds, it doesnt count. They must personally know each other!

2. You can't use a person on the list to connect to other famous people. For example: If your cousin is friends with Donald Rumsfeld you cant also say you know George Bush just because Donald Rumsfeld knows George Bush. Otherwise you could use the one famous person to say you know each and every single famous person on earth. Got it.

3. Degrees are counted as the link between you and one person followed by the next link and the third person. For Example: Me-1->Friend-2->The Queen of England = 2 Degrees.

Who do I know?


George Wassouf - 2 degrees

Amr Diab - 2 degrees

Mariam Fares - 2 degrees

Ragheb Alama - 2 degrees

Omar Sharif - 2 degrees

Muhammed Ali - 2 degrees

Arnold Schwarzenegger - 3 degrees

Michael Jordan - 3 degrees


Gamal Abdel Nasser - 2 degrees

Bashar al-Assad - 2 degrees

Rafik Hariri and the Hariri family - 2 degrees

Fouad Siniora - 2 degrees

The Saudi Royal family - 2 degrees

George Bush - 3 degrees

Saddam Hussein - 3 degrees


The first Palestinian suicide bomber (April 16th 1993) - 2 degrees

Hassan Nasrallah - 2 degrees

Osama bin Laden - 3 degrees

I know what you're thinking but trust me, even I cant believe this list!

Any blogger who wants to try it themselves go ahead, consider this my official Tag.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

My Lover Has Betrayed Me

My heart is broken and I don't know if I will ever feel the same again, all I do is cry and all I want is for things to be the way they were. Don't you remember everything we've been through, all the fun we had, all the people we met and lives we touched? I love you computer!

My computer is infected and I'm extremely distraught over it. I don't know what's causing it, basically the computer thinks things are plugged into it that aren't, it freezes if you touch the volume button, I want to throw it against the wall! Someone once asked me, "how much money would I have to give you if I said you could never own a computer ever again?" I think I said 5 million dollars but at this point I would give up my computer for a small bag of potato chips and a diet Pepsi.

Me and my computer have a unique relationship. When I'm not home I yearn for her like a sultry affair and when I finally come home we make sweet love! However it has become painfully obvious that my computer has been cheating on me because now she's infected with some terrible virus (or so I suspect). Now when I come home I resent her presence, shes no longer thrilling to touch and caress, its like coming home to a bitter angry wife (who is fat and ugly). Damn you computer for you're treacherous ways!

Come back to me computer, be the beautiful object of my affection, like you were when we met almost a year ago! I cant be angry at you though, its not your fault, you were damned from the moment of your conception.

I wish I fell in love with a Mac.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Kill The Puppy!

Boredom makes me act up and when you want to act up its best to aim for "low hanging fruit", the ones within arms reach, friends for example. The best way to get reactions from friends is to ask wild hypothetical questions. The following is a display of my mischief on an internet messenger, the screen names have been changed to protect the identities of the victims but the conversation is original. Also all the victims are women.

D.B. Shobrawy: how much would i have to pay you to kill a puppy with your bare hands
i would never kill a puppy!
D.B. Shobrawy: of course not
D.B. Shobrawy: not even for money though?
PaLiGirl8258: nope
D.B. Shobrawy: how about for 1000 dollars
D.B. Shobrawy: 10,000?
PaLiGirl8258: nope
D.B. Shobrawy: what if i gave you a million dollars to kill a puppy with your bare hands
PaLiGirl8258: no
PaLiGirl8258: i'd take the million
PaLiGirl8258: and pay sum1 else to do it
D.B. Shobrawy: doesnt work like that, you kill and we pay, in that order
PaLiGirl8258: okay i'll pay sum1 to kill with my own money and then collect
D.B. Shobrawy: listen, you have to kill it with your hands and we have to witness it
PaLiGirl8258: then no
PaLiGirl8258: never
D.B. Shobrawy: what if i said, kill this puppy with your bare hands and we will give the Palestinians their own country with no Israeli settlements, full and complete withdrawal
PaLiGirl8258: i'd think u were a yahoudi (jew) and u were lying
D.B. Shobrawy: so foolish! its people like you that will keep the palestinians from having their own country
PaLiGirl8258: well too bad ur theory is stupid like u
PaLiGirl8258: uff
PaLiGirl8258: i'm going to sleep
PaLiGirl8258: bye!

Am I evil? Anyways here's another.

D.B.: how much money would it take for you to kill a puppy with your bare hands
EgyChick3945: i cant do that at all
EgyChick3945: but why r u asking that
D.B.: cause i'm going to pay you, lol
D.B.: how about for 10,000 dollars
EgyChick3945: no
EgyChick3945: i cant do it
EgyChick3945: i cants kill any thing
D.B.: a million dollars?
EgyChick3945: i cant
D.B.: not for a million dollars?
EgyChick3945: for real
D.B.: what if i said, kill this dog or i will kill two dogs
EgyChick3945: well then i have to kill him
EgyChick3945: lol
EgyChick3945: but how, i dont know
D.B.: with your hands!
EgyChick3945: how did u think of this?
D.B.: i saw it on the internet
EgyChick3945: oh
EgyChick3945: i have to go eat i will be back

This next one is my favorite....

D.B.: how much money would it take for you to kill a puppy with your bare hands
Shy’N Ugly: OMG
Shy’N Ugly: eat shit n u die
Shy’N Ugly: u horrible person!
Shy’N Ugly: dont say such things
D.B.: how much?!
D.B.: 10,000?
Shy’N Ugly: 0
D.B.: 100,000?
D.B.: wait youd do it for zero
Shy’N Ugly: i wouldnt do it period
D.B.: final offer, 1 million dollars
Shy’N Ugly: lol
Shy’N Ugly: no
Shy’N Ugly: i couldnt do it
Shy’N Ugly: is 1 mil worth a life
D.B.: yes its worth alot of lives, human ones too!
Shy’N Ugly: lol
D.B.: how about this, what if i said kill the dog or else i will kill two dogs
Shy’N Ugly: lol
Shy’N Ugly: wha makes u think of such crazy things
D.B.: I think I’d do it for 50 cents.
Shy’N Ugly: loooooooooool
D.B.: what if i told you, Kill a puppy with your bare hands and ill give the palestinians their own country with no israeli settlements, complete withdrawal
Shy’N Ugly: done
Shy’N Ugly: ill use a knife too
Shy’N Ugly: if u want
D.B.: no you dumb ass, i just said bare hands, read!
Shy’N Ugly: i know f**k face
Shy’N Ugly: ill use a knife too
Shy’N Ugly: if u want
Shy’N Ugly: lol
D.B.: no thanks

Here is a guys reaction.

D.B.: how much money would it take for you to kill a puppy with your bare hands
Doctor D: how much do you have in your bank account and personal value??
D.B.: non of your business, pick a number
Doctor D: how big is the puppy?
D.B.: a small cute one
Doctor D: maybe 5gs
D.B.: 5000, thats a decent number
Doctor D: ok deal
D.B.: nice, when do you want to do it
Doctor D: Tonight if you have the money ready
D.B.: well i still need to buy the dog
Doctor D: hahaha, why are you asking the quesiton then
D.B.: cause i want to watch someone kill a cute puppy with their bare hands
Doctor D: it is very easy, you take a hold of them and snap the neck
D.B.: oh youve done it before?
Doctor D: no
D.B.: it sounds quick, are you trying to tell me it wouldnt be entertaining?
Doctor D: i did not say that, im sure it would be entertaining for a sicko like you
D.B.: your the sick bastard who is going to kill the puppy, all i'm doing is funding it and watching
Doctor D: u came up with the idea
D.B.: touche

I know what you're thinking, I'm sick right?

Cross posted from MidEast Youth

Friday, January 19, 2007

My Terrorist Hang Out Spot

There is an Arabic coffee shop here that I go to on a very regular basis, I even joke that its like my own personal social club. Like many Arabic coffee shops they have a big screen TV with Arabic satellite channels on it. At night they play Arabic music videos on channels like "Mazzika" or "Melody Arabia" but during the day when business is slow and almost all the customers are Arab, they play Al-Jazeera or watch Arabic movies.

A couple days ago they were watching a movie on one of the Egyptian channels that was bad mouthing George Bush and saying great things about Saddam Hussein. Some of the people complained out of fear saying, "you shouldn't play this" but they let it play anyways. The next day the place was filled with 30 Chicago police officers searching the entire place with flashlights and dogs. Apparently there was a report of "weapons" in my beloved coffee shop! Do you think there is a connection? I swear the walls are bugged by the Department of Homeland Security!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Sheikh Feiz, "Go Kill Yourself"

I sometimes wonder if the disgusting and offensive public statements of a few jerks could cause free societies to restrict freedom of speech. I cant say I would object considering the most recent statements by another Australian Muslim cleric.

Sheikh Feiz Mohammed, head of the Global Islamic Youth Centre in Sydney has published a series of DVD's instructing children to sacrifice themselves for God.
"Teach them this: There is nothing more beloved to me than wanting to die as a mujahid. Put in their soft, tender hearts the zeal of jihad and a love of martyrdom,"

"We want to have children and offer them as soldiers defending Islam,"
Hold on, let me pull out my Whisper of Madness letter head. Does anyone have a pen? Oh, got it right here. OK, how should I start?

Dear Sheikh Feiz Mohammed,

Why don't you sacrifice yourself!

Viable methods may include.

-Hanging yourself from a ceiling fan!

-Disemboweling yourself with a samurai sword!

-Tie a rope around a large boulder, tie the other end of the rope to your leg, throw the boulder into a deep lake!

-Take a gallon of gasoline, pour it over your head, put a cigarette in your mouth and LIGHT the cigarette!

-Get a pair of scissors, climb up a telephone pole and try to cut through the largest wire!

-Get a pillow, take it to the train yard, go to sleep on the rail road tracks and hope for the best!

-Take a grenade, stuff it up your ass, then pull the pin!

-Sit inside your car, if you don't have a car, borrow your friends car. Park the car inside a garage, open the windows, close the garage door and start the engine.

-Tie a medium length string to the trigger of a shotgun, pull down your pants, stick the barrel of the gun in your ass, pull on the string!

-Take a toy gun, put it in your pocket. Go to a bank and hold up the bank. When the police arrive walk outside and point the toy gun at the police. The rest will work itself out naturally.

Last but not least

-Put on a suicide bomb jacket, go find Sheikh Taj El-Din Hilaly , give him a BIG hug and press the detonator!

I hope you have found this information useful.

Sincerely, D.B. Shobrawy

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Israel And Syria, Friends After All?

When I saw a headline about Israel and Syria holding peace talks for the last two years my first thought was, "hmmm that's interesting" with wide open eyes and my tongue hanging out of my mouth. Why would news like this interest me so much though? I think its the joy of knowing I was right. I haven't written much about it but for a long time I have assumed Syria's threat to the Middle East to be very little and I have also strongly supported the theory that the U.S. and Israel know fully well that Syria poses little threat.

Even better is that Olmert isnt denying that Syrian officials met with Israeli officials, he's denying he knew about it, which is a weak defense, its kind of like when athletes say they never "knowingly" took steroids.

The Ha'aretz report Tuesday morning said that Israelis and Syrians reached understandings on a future peace deal during clandestine talks held in Europe.

According to the report, the talks focused on a draft peace agreement, based upon Israel's withdrawal from the Golan Heights and a return to 1967 borders.

Reportedly, Syria demanded that the move be made within five years, though Israel said the plan would be gradually implemented over 15 years.

Moreover, Syria would be willing to discontinue support for Hezbollah and Hamas, and cut ties with Iran. The report also stated that Israel would have complete control over the Jordan River and the Sea of Galilee.

Ha'aretz reported that the Syrian representative in the talks was Ibrahim Suleiman, an American citizen who had visited Jerusalem and delivered a message on Syrian interest in an agreement with Israel.

Supposedly Syria is this giant sponsor of terrorism and they are Iran's agent and blah blah blah. However let me ask you this, how willing would you be to give your enemy back land you captured in 1967 for no apparent reason and how evil could he be if you are bad mouthing him in public and negotiating with him in secret? Either way it doesn't really matter because those who don't want to believe its true will accept Olmerts denial and those who don't, wont.

Oh and one more thing. Is Olmert having a rough time in office or what? This is like his 4th or 5th scandal, not to mention that he's being investigated for his role in an illegal sale of an Israeli bank and his Army Chief just resigned over his mishandling of the Lebanon offensive the past summer. ( I actually think he did a good job, I mean he accomplished his goals, didn't he? Lebanon is a pile of ruble now.)

P.S. I found this chart on the internet, I guess it's an "intelegence" report on Syria's "WMD's". Does this look familiar to anyone? Hehehehe

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

A Story: Nepotism And Religious Persecution In Egypt

One of the sadder stories about Egypt.

Within Egypt you'll find all the drawbacks of a third world country. Some of those drawbacks include bold faced nepotism, cold hearted religious persecution and mind numbing bureaucratic backwardness. Naturally the following story contains all three.

I have a Christian friend in Egypt whose cousin was a police officer determined to become a detective. We will refer to my friends cousin as "Hany". Hany was lucky enough to know people who could help make his dream come true. The proper arrangements were made and Hany was entered into the training program for detectives among several other candidates with Hany being the only Christian among them.

The tests included a shooting range like you see in the movies called a "hogans alley", basically you walk through a practice field and shoot at moving targets. Hany performed the test perfectly but another officer was not as skilled and an accident occurred. While performing the test in the shooting range this other officer accidentally shot and killed the commanding officer. You're not going to believe me but I swear to God the guy who accidentally shot the commander happened to be a second cousin to Suzanne Mubarak, the Presidents wife.

So what do you do when the Presidents cousin-in law kills a high ranking officer? Falsify the official report and blame someone else of course! Who was that someone else? Hany, the groups only Christian and highest scoring officer. Hany wasn't put in jail though, instead they expelled him from the training camp and fired him from the police department. Hany's family feared revenge from the police so Hany's cousin arranged a visa for him to leave Egypt for Australia.

Problem solved right? No, because of Hany's training as a detective the Egyptian Government refused to let him leave the country for a minimum of 10 years so that he might forget all the "secure information" he had learned as a matter of national security. As if the Australians are dying to get their hands on Egyptian police training techniques. So what is Hany doing now? He fell into a depression, forced his wife and kids out of their home and now spends his days drinking and smoking hash. He never leaves the house and refuses to see any of his family members. Last I checked he was absent at his sisters wedding because he didn't want to face the family. Poor guy, mostly for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Am I Conservative or Liberal?

A lot of people have tried to put their finger on it, which entertains me because I have both liberal and conservative fans. Well this survey is pretty spot on except I disagree with the "ethics" part I don't see how that could be.

Your Political Profile:
Overall: 60% Conservative, 40% Liberal
Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal
Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Friday, January 12, 2007

What A Night!

What a night! I'm entertaining 4 friends from New York and the evening turns into a complete mess, I broke up at least 3 fights. One of the fights was about to be between my friend "jaws", a street kid from Brooklyn and my friend "deep", a nice Indian guy I used to work with. Jaws didn't know me and Deep were friends. I swear Jaws pulled his hand back about to pound his face in before I yelled, "Hey, hes with me!" Then out of no where Special K's street trash friend "Superficial Sally" jumps in and tries to get into an argument with me, as if i didn't have enough to deal with.

In addition to all that I concluded finally that my friend Special K is a legitimate piece of trash. With friends like that, who needs enemies? I hope he gets attacked by a Polar Bear. I sometimes wish I lived in communist Russia, if I did I would falsely report Special K to the KGB for treason, after which they would pick him up and he would never be seen again. Seriously that guy deserves to be tortured in a secret dungeon far, far away.

Everyone, If you love me I want you to pray Special K gets mauled by a vicious animal. Can you do that?

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

20,000 Sacrificial Lambs

Today is the day G Dubya Bush is set to announce his new Iraq war strategy which is expected to include 20,000 more troops. I have never on this site explained my beliefs concerning the Iraq war so before I explain my views on the new plan, allow me to briefly summarize my feelings on the collective as it is.

Since the start I was never comfortable with the Iraq war. I remember watching the sympathy of the world concerning 9/11 quickly fade when Iraq was accused of having weapons of mass destruction. The way the world turned on the U.S. frightened me but didn't surprise me, not because I expected so little from the world but because I couldn't blame them. Here was the U.S. fresh off the largest loss of lives by a foreign attack in history and our President was on TV threatening a country in no way related to our troubles. Part of me was so bitter towards people who believed it, the people who simply recycled the B.S. rhetoric instead of stopping and thinking. In the last few years not a single statement by those supporting the war has turned out to be true. Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam and Osama were not connected, the Iraqi people are not better off and Iraq is certainly not a safer place. So what now?

I wish there was a simple plan to move forward with, things would be a lot easier and the world would be a better place if troops didn't go to Iraq in the first place but now that they are there they have to make something out of it. The administrations biggest mistake was not properly outlining their goals and expectations. Instead we've been spoon fed these ambiguous terms like, "we will leave when the job is done", "stay the course" and other such inadequate bumper sticker quotes. It's as if every single time the administration was given the opportunity to head in the right direction they dropped the ball. The lack of defined expectations have put America in an embarrassing quagmire, if they leave they'll be admitting defeat to the deafening sound of cheering extremists and their supporters. Every anti-U.S. entity will be claiming victory, as they did in Somalia and Lebanon and elsewhere except that this loss has the potential to be the greatest ideological loss in the history of the U.S. Losing this big would hurt more than a sledge hammer to the nuts or losing a wining lottery ticket.

On the other hand If the troops stay they will be committing themselves to what appears to be an un-winable situation that will only succeed in consuming more young American lives every single day. This may also prove to be the first military conflict in the history of the U.S. that damaged the economy as opposed to helping it. No matter how you slice it, its a lose/lose situation. So NO I don't have a solution for you, at this point there is no single good option. The only choice now is to look at the situation and say, "yes, the Administration fouled up in every possible category". If you desire change keep that in mind when you go to the voting booths.

20,000 more troops.

For what? You want me to believe that 20,000 more in addition to the 110,000 are going to make a difference? Supposedly the new plan will include more house sweeps performed by the additional troops. In case you are not educated in military warfare I'll explain the effects of such a plan with this simple and easy to understand formula.....

house to house sweeps + deeply embedded guerrilla warfare = A LOT OF DEAD TROOPS.

And who has G Dubya made commander of GROUND warfare in Iraq? Adm. William Fallon of the U.S. NAVY!!!!! A Navy commander in a nearly land locked country, talk about a fish out of water. I know a guy who builds model sail boats in his basement who would be better qualified. If you're not pissed yet let me tell you this, Lieutenant General Raymond Odierno has stated he doesn't expect the U.S. to withdraw troops for another 2-3 years! Let the Vietnam comparisons mount!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Revelations In Bits

* I sometimes feel extremely protective about my blog like its a matter of national security and when I tell someone I have to go because I need to take care of something (i.e. my blog) and they insist on know what it is I have to do, I feel like if I told them it would become a liability. Sometimes I think, if this person leaks my identity I'll have to kill them.

* I get extremely annoyed with people who have a dedication to causes they know nothing about. I see this most often within the pro-Palestine community. One person particular is this Palestinian girl I know who hates Israel like the plague but is unaware of headlines concerning the conflict only days after they occur. Hmmm I think she has a crush on me.

* I absolutely hate Egyptians who claim they have no love for Egypt. They talk about it as if its something to be ashamed of. I wish we could wipe those people out of the gene pool.

* If you have alot of opinions and no information to back it up, don't come near me because I will dissect you like a surgeon.

* Many of the things I love about Egypt are things that have caused millions to leave the country, if it wasn't poor, complicated, unorganized, crowded and polluted it wouldn't be the same place I know and love.

* Recently I've discovered something that has changed my views on many things. The world and everything in it, every opinion, every fact, every political issue and every tragedy is solely a matter of perception. Sometimes I listen to someone argue something so skillfully and so passionately and then I sit back and realize everything they are saying is crap and hardly anyone else knows it. I often step outside of myself and observe the opinions that make up reality, its like being the puppet master.

* As I grow older and wiser God reaffirms to me, everything that has been always will be. Sometimes that's refreshing, sometimes that's depressing.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Two Guys Watching Pretty Woman On A Friday Night

Things you might here when two guys are alone watching Pretty Woman.

-Dude that's gross, shes a prostitute.

-What is wrong with this guy, doesn't he understand shes a hooker?

-I wouldn't treat a good girl this well let alone a prostitute.

-Has everyone in this movie lost their mind, don't they understand this girl is a prostitute?

-Are us men stupid enough to fall in love with a prostitute?

-If girls really believe this story it would explain alot of things about society.

-Dude, is it gay for two guys to spend a Friday night, in the dark, watching Pretty Woman?

-You guys are watching Pretty Woman? Wow I didnt know you were both Gay. (a friend on the phone)

-You guys are watching pretty woman? Why didn't you tell me, I want to watch it too! (a friend on the phone....who is a guy!)

Friday, January 05, 2007

My Encounter With A Con-Artist

This one is hot off the presses, in fact I just got home from my encounter with a con-artist.

Me and Special K went to the gym to work out, this particular gym is in a crowded and expensive area of the city so there isn't anywhere to park except for the parking garage attached to the gym. Gym members don't have to pay for parking, all you do is take a ticket and validate it before you leave the gym, as long as you leave before two hours its free.

I pulled up to the garage ticket machine, rolled down my window and took a ticket when suddenly this skinny, blue eyed white girl jumped out and explained to me that she was stuck in the exit and couldn't leave for some complicated unexplainable reason. She offered that if I gave her my ticket so she could leave she would grab me a new ticket when I came back down to go into the gym, I made a quick decision and said, "sure why not". What do you expect I'm a nice guy!

As I drove up the ramp I turned to Special K and said, "how crazy would it be if this nice, innocent looking white girl ripped me off?" No worries though because when I came down she was still there but arguing with the Nigerian garage attendant. He was rambling about God knows what but I couldn't understand him. When he walked away mumbling to himself I turned to the girl and said, "OK how are we going to do this". She handed me 9 dollars to pay for the parking, said thank you and then ran to her car. No problem right? Wrong, I still didn't have a ticket. Before I could catch the girl to ask, she was gone! So I walked up to the garage office to talk to our Nigerian friend...

Yours Truly: Excuse me, how do I get a ticket for the garage?

Nigerian: You gave your ticket to that girl! You have to pay the full price!

Yours Truly: OK no problem, how much is it, 9 dollars?

Nigerian: No its 28 dollars!

Yours Truly: WHAT!!! Are you crazy, I just got here, I haven't been here for even 10 mins!

Nigerian: No ticket, I must charge you the full fee!

Yours Truly: Listen Shaka Zulu, I'm not giving you 28 dollars, you can lick my butt!

I guess he didn't like me calling him Shaka Zulu because he picked up his walkie talkie and called security on me. In less than 20 seconds two security guards with toy badges run up and act like they are going to beat me up.

Yours Truly: Listen guys, I'm not paying 28 dollars, I just got here.

Security Jerk #1: Well where is your ticket?

Yours Truly: I gave it to that girl, I was just trying to help her out, but this guy saw me I've only been here for 1o mins.

Security Jerk #1: I'm sorry but if you don't have a ticket you have to pay full price.

Security Jerk #2: That's what you get for being nice to people.

What an asshole! After arguing for 15 mins I realize there is nothing I can do so I give up, tell the guards, "have a nice day" and walk to the Basketball court where I find Special K and explain the story.

Yours Truly: Can you believe that!? 28 dollars!!!!

Special K: That sucks for you.

Yours Truly: I'm going to come here every single day and I'm going to find that girl and when I do I'm going to get my money back!

Special K: You should hit her with a dumbbell. Once they sign that waiver they cant sue if they get hurt with the equipment.

Yours Truly: What are drunk or something, that's assault you idiot!

Special K: Its your money.

Yours Truly: You're right, maybe I should punch her in the eye and yell, "wheres my money".

I couldn't believe I got hustled by this innocent looking white girl. Suddenly here comes the same girl walking up to me!

Yours Truly: Hey your the girl who ripped me off!

Innocent looking girl: I'm so sorry, I drove all the way home and then I realized you don't have a ticket so I came back to find you.

Yours Truly: Yea they want to charge me 28 dollars!

Innocent looking girl: Oh my God I'm so sorry.

Yours Truly: Yea that Nigerian dude was going nuts, he even called security on me.

Innocent looking girl: I'm so sorry...

Then there was a pause, she was looking at me really funny. I thought maybe I had a booger hanging out of my nose or something.

Innocent looking girl: Wait, where are you from?

Yours Truly: I'm from Egypt, why?

Innocent looking girl: No way. Kilou el nas arab wella shou? (in Arabic: everyone is Arab or what) I'm from Syria.

Yours Truly: Unbelievable, I get ripped off by an innocent looking white girl and she turns out to be an innocent looking Syrian girl.

Finally we go to an ATM machine where she takes out money to even everything out. It turns out she was 2 mins over the 2 hour time limit and didn't want to pay 9 dollars. I hate cheap Arabs. She felt so miserable about having to pay 28 dollars instead that she insisted we go back to the Nigerian guy to explain everything in hopes of only having to pay 9 dollars. We went back to the office, apologized and evened it all out, she paid 9 dollars and he gave me a new ticket. What an idiot this girl is, stressed out and almost an hour later she still ended up paying 9 stinking dollars. Unbelievable, and what are the chances she would be Arab? At least she came back.

On the way home Special K turns to me and says.....

Special K: Are you ever going to help someone again?

Yours Truly: No, never!

Special K: Good, I'm glad you learned your lesson.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Fallout Of The Saddam Video

An official investigation has been launched regarding the leaked cell phone video of Saddam's execution which was first featured among Middle East blogs here on Whisper of Madness. The Iraqi Government wants to know who took the video and who leaked it. According to witnesses security measures were taken to prevent cell phones in the execution chamber.

However, chief prosecutor Munqith Faroon -- who also was among the 14 people inside the chamber -- told Danish television that he knew of two senior officials in the chamber who had cell phones, despite security measures in place to prevent such devices from being brought into the room.

"How they took them in, I don't know," Faroon said.

"We were searched one by one before going into the room. They had a box to place phones in," he added.

The investigation has also brought with it many interesting revelations including that U.S. officials urged Iraqi government officials to hold off on the execution for 2 weeks to prevent a perception of Shi'a revenge as opposed to justice for all Iraqis. I would guess George Bush crapped on himself when he read the translation of executioners and onlookers screaming the name of Muqtada al Sadr and shouting, "go to hell" (more or less). I never thought I would concede that Saddam's execution could effectively widen the gap between Sunni's and Shi'as but then again I don't think the widening needs much assistance.

BTW. To all you people who complained about the "U.S." executing Saddam on Eid, you might be happy to know they begged them not to do it. Idiots.