My Lover Has Betrayed Me

My heart is broken and I don't know if I will ever feel the same again, all I do is cry and all I want is for things to be the way they were. Don't you remember everything we've been through, all the fun we had, all the people we met and lives we touched? I love you computer!

My computer is infected and I'm extremely distraught over it. I don't know what's causing it, basically the computer thinks things are plugged into it that aren't, it freezes if you touch the volume button, I want to throw it against the wall! Someone once asked me, "how much money would I have to give you if I said you could never own a computer ever again?" I think I said 5 million dollars but at this point I would give up my computer for a small bag of potato chips and a diet Pepsi.

Me and my computer have a unique relationship. When I'm not home I yearn for her like a sultry affair and when I finally come home we make sweet love! However it has become painfully obvious that my computer has been cheating on me because now she's infected with some terrible virus (or so I suspect). Now when I come home I resent her presence, shes no longer thrilling to touch and caress, its like coming home to a bitter angry wife (who is fat and ugly). Damn you computer for you're treacherous ways!

Come back to me computer, be the beautiful object of my affection, like you were when we met almost a year ago! I cant be angry at you though, its not your fault, you were damned from the moment of your conception.

I wish I fell in love with a Mac.