Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Shobrawy Eats Greek, Loses Temper.

Sunday I went to dinner in "Greek Town" with a friend. We decided to go to the more famous of the Greek restaurants available. I won't even bother telling you the name of this restaurant because I don't want to accidentally promote their business and as a result make them money. As you might be able to tell I was extremely displeased with my dining experience.

I should have known better, I haven't yet had a good experience at a Greek restaurant but I apparently came down with amnesia before agreeing to it. Even worse I get suckered into eating Greek food fairly often because Egyptians are under this tragic misunderstanding that Greek food is a classy adaptation of Arabic food.

Anyway, we arrive and are seated, the place is nice on the inside, very busy and lively, waiters yelling "Opa"*, setting alcohol soaked dishes on fire etc. The waiter asks me what I'd like to drink, I order a Coke so he brings me this

Yours Truly: Excuse me, Stavros.

Waiter: Yes sir?

Yours Truly: What is this?

Waiter: It's your Coke sir.

Yours Truly: Yea and where's the rest of it?

Waiter: that's it.

Yours Truly: Listen I'm sure in Greece these bottles are cool and trendy but by the looks of this 10 oz bottle I don't believe there are free refills, are there?

Waiter: No sir.

Yours Truly: Uh huh, thanks.

You might not be able to tell from the picture but that's a 10 oz. bottle of Coke. I would have brought one from the restaurant and taken its picture next to a regular bottle but the busboys were like ninjas, I never saw them come or go. I would take a bite of food and suddenly the bottles were gone, they should work for the CIA or something. Either way the bottles were like two good sips, that's it. I hate restaurants that don't have free refills, it seems like the most basic courtesy. Keep your complimentary bread it's cutting the roof of my mouth, give me a free soda instead, I'm thirsty!

Another thing I hate about Greek restaurants is the menu, nothing sounds appetizing at all. On top of that I hate ordering at a restaurant, I'm terrified I'll order something and not like it so I ended up ordering something I've had a million times, gyros. You might be thinking, "You ordered gyros at a nice Greek restaurant" Trust me if I could go back and time and order something else I would.

By the time he brings out the food I've racked up 15 dollars in Coke alone, I'm starving so I dig in. My taste buds are slow, it takes me a while to figure out whether I like the food, after a couple bites I realize my gyros is D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G.

1. Its dry, bone dry infact, so dry that it scratches my throat on the way down. Some parts were even crispy and everyone knows gyros is NOT crispy.

2. It smells. I didn't realize it at first but it smelled like old meat.

3. It tasted like a combination of the fat you scrape off the bottom of a frying pan and testicle sweat. It's not unlikely that the waiter was wearing my gyros inside his underwear all day.

Finally I called the waiter over and asked why my gyros tasted like human sweat.

Yours Truly: Hey Stavros, I never complain at a restaurant but this Gyros tastes really bad. Is it supposed to taste like this?

Waiter: It's just like any other gyros.

Yours Truly: Really, so its supposed to taste like ball sweat?

Waiter: Excuse me sir.

Yours Truly: It tastes like the cook rubbed my gyros on his balls! You want me to believe it's supposed to taste like this!

Waiter: Sir it looks fine to me.

Yours Truly: Taste it, you might gag!

Waiter: No thank you. Would you like a glass of wine sir?

Yours Truly: What for, to drown out the taste? No thank you, can we get the check please?

Can you believe this guy, trying to tell me their gyros which was clearly burned on some parts, was just like any other gyros. I don't know if I'll ever eat gyros again.

*Allow me to dispel some misconceptions about Greek restaurants. I heard a waiter drop a plate or glass and NO ONE yelled Opa! Instead the manager looked over like "if you drop one more plate your fired"


At 1:29 PM, Blogger Rhino-itall said...

i had a girlfriend who was half greek. Her mom was from there. i never liked her mom, and she never liked me. of course none of that has anything to do with your dining experience but i really prefer to talk about myself.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Egypeter said...


Maybe you should expand your culinary delights to include "ball sweat flavored gyros"...I hear it's delicious.

Can't believe you said that! Next time ask for the waiter's manager. I bet that'll change his attitude. (I used to work at Friday's and that would do it for me :)

BTW - I hope you've never seen the movie Road Trip, that's all I kept thinking about.

At 3:22 PM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

You lost me at "greek town", aka the mediterranean version of "hershey highway".

At 4:31 PM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

Rhino- Greek people dont like people who arent Greek. They get really annoyed when us egyptians suggest that we are cousins from across the creek.

Pete- I have seen road trip and Ball flavored Gyros is especially gross.

Donkey- I have been going to Greek town for years and I never realized the allusion to "the mediterranean hershey highway". Hilarious

At 4:20 AM, Blogger Rambling Hal said...

Cant believe I JUST discovered this blog, when I could have been cracking up ages ago.

One thing I couldn't stop thinking about...how exactly would you know what testicale sweat would taste like? I can see how you could know what it would SMELL like, but taste like??? Akh bas. I gotta stop thinking about this one.

At 10:02 AM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

Welcome to the party Hal. As far as the taste of ball sweat, i imagine it tastes teh way it smells, I also imagine its very bitter. Wow thats gross!


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