Sunday, October 15, 2006

I'm On Drugs


Last week my Mom called me to say my Uncle S, A.K.A. "The Enforcer", was looking for me. I love my Uncle but he's not the kind of guy you want "looking for you", he's not called The Enforcer for nothing.

To put it plainly my Uncle is a professional bad ass who served in the Egyptian army during one of the Arab-Israeli wars and who is feared by Chicago's entire Egyptian community. This guy is no joke, he has a stone cold look that makes babies cry, not to mention that he's one of the most imposing figures I've ever known.

Regardless I decided to swallow my fear and give him a call to see what he wanted.

The Enforcer: Hello!

Yours Truly: Hi Uncle.

The Enforcer: Hey how are you?

Yours Truly: Good.

The Enforcer: Good? What do you mean your good?

Yours Truly: I don't know, I feel good.

The Enforcer: Uh huh, like the song? I feel good, nah na nah na nah na na!

Yours Truly: Uhhh kinda, Mom said you wanted to talk to me, yea?

The Enforcer: Yea, why don't you come over on Sunday so we can talk?

Yours Truly: Sure, no problem.

How completely terrifying, the Enforcer wants to talk to me face to face! I have to admit when Sunday came around I was ready to crap my pants but you couldn't tell by looking at me, I know not to show fear in front of The Enforcer. When we finally met up my Uncle grabbed two chairs, faced them about 2 inches from each other and told me to sit down.

The conversation went like this.

Yours Truly: So what did you want to talk about?

The Enforcer: I wanted to talk to you about something someone told me, something disturbing!

Yours Truly: Uhh O.K. what is it? (at this point I'm shaking)

The Enforcer: I heard you're on drugs.

Yours Truly: What!? Me? On drugs? Who told you that?

The Enforcer: It only takes one or two times to become addicted and then your stealing your doing anything for more drugs.

Yours Truly: Uncle, I'm not on drugs.

The Enforcer: I see these people at work, they are like animals, the black people and the Mexicans, they kill each other for more drugs.

Yours Truly: Seriously I'm not on drugs, why would someone who doesn't know me say that?

The Enforcer: Just tell me now, we can get you help!

Yours Truly: Uncle would you please listen to me, I'm not on drugs, you can talk to any of my friends they will tell you I'm not on drugs.

The Enforcer: OK, I believe you but if you are just tell me now so we can get you help!

Yours Truly: Oh my God, I don't know what I can tell you that will convince you I'm not using drugs!

The Enforcer: OK, If your not than I'm happy.

Yours Truly: OK, are we done here?

The Enforcer: Yea, but I better not find out your lying!

How unbelievable is this! I have never been the victim of Egyptian gossip before and suddenly after so many years I find out from my Uncle, via some anonymous stranger, that I'm on drugs! Allow me to clarify, I'm not on drugs, nor have I ever used or even tried a drug. So to that person who's making up lies about me, I'm going to find you!

Side note: Maybe this rumor started as a result of my abuse of NyQuil.

17 Comments:

At 3:32 AM, Blogger Rambling Hal said...

"Maybe this rumor started as a result of my abuse of NyQuil."

Yeah...you THINK??? :)

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger Rhino-itall said...

D.B. sorry about that, i was just shooting the shit with your uncle, you know just some chit chat and light banter, and i might have mentioned the nyquil thing. I was just fooling around man. I'll talk to the enforcer for you, its the least i can do.

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger Craig said...

Did you make any strange phone calls while you were under the influence of Nyquil? :P

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Egypeter said...

Well, in the future, if you need any please don't hesitate to call me D.B.

 
At 11:34 AM, Anonymous ha ana za said...

te he....egyptian gossip is great...never had it quite so acute tho....usually more the "I heard you're interested in my son...2 type of thing

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

Arima, I heard a rumor your interested in D.B. Shobrawy, no?

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

Can your uncle spit razor blades?

 
At 6:25 PM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

not only does my uncle spit razor blades but he also farts barbed wire!

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

Donkyhue farts Barb Wire too! Its from looking at too many naked pics of pam Anderson

 
At 11:41 PM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

Actually Miss C. I eat lightning and crap thunder. Something else comes out when I watch naked pics of Pam Anderson.


Thats the problem with Eqyptian gossip. Someone confuses a scarab with an eyeball and the next thing you know, ya got the Enforcer knockin on your door.

 
At 11:42 PM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

Actually Miss C. I eat lightning and crap thunder. Something else comes out when I watch naked pics of Pam Anderson.


Thats the problem with Egyptian gossip. Someone confuses a scarab with an eyeball and the next thing you know, ya got the Enforcer knockin on your door.

 
At 11:50 PM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

Donkey, thanks for informing us of your Rocky like superiority as well as your pornographic/self stimulation rituals....Twice!

 
At 11:57 PM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

Sorry DB the betablogger made me do it. I tried to delete it when I realized I misspelled Egyptian like an ass. I was going to correct it tomorrow, then I realized there is no tomorrow. My bad.

 
At 12:17 AM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

lol

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Twosret said...

Masaa' el fol ya shob shob :), oh what is the difference between Egyptian gossip and other kind of gossip? :)

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger Rhino-itall said...

Hey rambling hal, is that your real pic? nice....

by the way, that's MY real pic too.

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

Twosret, the only difference between Egyptian gossip and other gossip is that Egyptian gossip is done by Egyptians about other Egyptians and passed around by Egyptians.

 

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