This Just In: Nasrallah and Israeli Leaders Sucked Into Time Warp: Return Confused.

Sometime late last night Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah and Israeli military leadership were sucked into a time warp predating the war. Today, upon return both sides made several outmoded comments.

Hassan Nasrallh made the first comments warning against an Israeli attack on Beirut.

-If you hit Beirut, the Islamic resistance will hit Tel Aviv and is able to do that with God's help

Out of reverence for Nasrallah’s supreme Sheikhness, advisors were too scared to tell him that Beirut has already been bombed.

Israeli military leadership responded through several news outlets with similarly outdated comments.

-If Hezbollah did strike Tel Aviv, Israel would target Lebanese infrastructure.

Statements were made earlier today revealing that Israeli leadership is completely unaware that Lebanon no longer has an infrastructure as of the first week of bombing.

Scientists in Israel are now clamoring to update leadership since their return.

Israeli officials attempted to reach American scientist Steven Hawking to help explain the inter-dimensional time warp but he was unavailable for comment.

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