Saturday, July 08, 2006

The Voice That Almost Made Me Vomit




I'm at my buddy's house, lets call him, "Baller on a Budget". We are just hanging out with plans to go out somewhere but we don't know exactly where.

I'm dressed up and feeling about as comfortable as a Sumo wrestler in a tuxedo, so I will be damned if we aren't going somewhere. Of course because I'm the unluckiest person to ever live we end up sitting there and waiting for Baller on a Budgets friend from work to show up.

The guy shows up and, wow he sure likes to talk....A lot! First of all hes from New York and has a THICK Brooklyn accent. His voice was really whinney and nasal and he liked to say things that made absolutely no sense, he reminded me of Baller on a Budgets cousin who might be retarded. This guys voice was like Rosie Perez mixed with Woody Allen and Jerry Lewis, the combination made me want to vomit, his voice was vomitile. (By the way I'm not sure if vomitile is a word, I don't know google it or something but I'll define it for you. Vomitile-Being of a nature which induces vomiting.)

Worst thing is that he liked to talk a lot, what a bad combination. Why does that happen, its like how people with bad breath always want to tell you secrets. At several points during the interaction, Baller on a Budgets brother looked at me with his eyes wide open and his jaw dropped in amazement over the obnoxious severity of this guys voice.

To add to my pain and discomfort they wanted to talk about cars. Now I like cars almost as much as the next guy but there is a point where your conversation is designed only to impress the other guy and inevitably becomes what I like to call a "stroke fest". "Stroke fests" go something like this.

Loser #1- Dude the Bentley coupe is the best driving car out there.
Loser #2- Totally, I don't like the cup holders though.
Loser #1- Yea, you know what car has great cup holders, the Rolls Royce.
Loser #2- Oh definitely.

Imagine listening to several variations of that conversation for an hour and a half. If you listen closely you can actually hear yourself getting dumber. However I couldn't hear that over the sound of my projectile vomiting.

3 Comments:

At 12:42 PM, Blogger Egypeter said...

Hey D.B. -

I found your link over at our mutual buddy Sandmonkey's blog and thought I'd check out your site.

Very nice my fellow Egyptian friend. I like your site. Next time you wanna go out and have a good time you should call me...I too am a Chicagoan! Do you live in the city or outside? I actually live about 20 miles southwest but am downtown all the time.

Re: your comment about "since when do Egyptians wear the Arab headress"...I was thinking the exact same thing. Of course, being "true" Egyptians, we're NOT Arab...apparantly, that idea is lost on this goofball.

Anwyay, talk it easy man and peace.

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger D.B. Shobrawy said...

egypeter, I do live in the city. However I believe meeting up would destroy my anonymity. I have a feeling we might allready know each other though *wink*

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger Egypeter said...

Well that'll drive me crazy...

And I don't think we know each other. 4 million people is a lot.

 

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