Saturday, June 24, 2006

Fat Tastes Good!!


First of all I would like to start by saying, have you noticed that all of the titles of my posts have exclamations points. That's how I feel when I write these stories!

Anyway, I want to detail the night I have had before I go to sleep. I went to a place called Durkins in Lincoln Park (the nice trendy part of town) to hang out with my buddy, we will call him Special K. At first it was a typical Lincoln Park place, trendy yuppies with too much money trying to drink off their Friday night.

Immediately I was bored but it started to get interesting when the bartender starting hitting on Special K. He was wearing a Rolling Stones shirt and she was attracted to him so she asked him "what do you know about the Rolling Stones, what year were you born", he answers, "too young to be wearing this shirt" she gets interested and asks, "what year" so he tells her and she goes, "yea too young."

So that passes and I figure, O.K. I need to make a love connection, even though he is totally not interested, but that doesn't stop me. So I let the time pass, then she walks past us on the way to the bathroom and I say to my self, "I am going to take care of this on her way back."

So on her way back I stop her and say, "hey you don't know my friends name" (really clever huh?} she says O.K. what is it, I tell her and then she says whats your name. I tell her and she says, "Oh really plain", I am thinking, wow how sarcastic. Then she says, "where are you from, India?" immediately I am offended and I tell her "NO, Egypt!" she says "Salam Walaikum" Whaaaaaaat?!

Then check this out, she says, "I liked Egypt when I was there" she goes on to tell me her and a friend went back packing through the middle east in the summer of 05'. What a small world, so I ask her how she liked it she said it was good but "Cairo is a mess of a city."

Unbelievable, I love Cairo, she doesn't know what she's talking about. So I say, "What they gave you crap for being American?" she says, "Egyptian men are disgusting" What can I say, I totally wasn't surprised that she said that, in fact I was waiting for her to get to that part the entire story.

Long story short, in Egypt men will more than undress you with their eyes, they will rape you.

So after that refreshing conversation we decided to leave, we are on our way back to the center of the city and I realize that I am STARVING, so what better to eat at 2 O'clock in the morning, Maxwell Street Polish. The best greasy food you will ever eat.

So we get our food, inhale it and then me and Special K sit and sulk in the deliciousness when Special K asks me. "why does crappy, greasy food taste so good", I look at him and tell him what everyone knows but they are scared to say in fear of sounding like a hog, "listen fat tastes good".

He giggles but seriously, why is McDonald's so successful? Because they stuff as much fat as possible in their food!

I remember when I was in 5th or 6th grade I was at my friends house and I was discussing the difference between skim milk and whole milk in front of his mom and I said, "whole milk tastes better because fat tastes good."

That lady looked at me in complete and utter shock and said "fat tastes good?!" as if it was the most outrageous and idiotic thing she had ever heard.

It couldn't be more true however, I hope right now she is staring at her Big Mac saying, "you know what, I am an idiot, D.B. Shobrawy was right, fat does taste good!!"

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