The Dura-II

Yea, you see how completely shocked that monkey is, well that's not a picture of a monkey, that's ME after I read this story.

A 68 year old man in Rhode Island of all places, has sued Dacomed Corp. because the product he purchased from them has been malfunctioning for 10 whole years.

Whats this product? A penile implant, that's right a prosthetic penis made out of, get this, plastic and METAL! Apparently it has been frozen in full boner mode for 10 whole years.

This guy has the worst luck ever, he had this thing installed in his body 2 years before Viagra came out and Dacomed Corp. went out of business a year after that.

His list of complaints via his lawyer are hilarious, according to his lawyer he could no longer "hug people, ride a bike, or wear swim trunks" and "felt uncomfortable around his grandchildren", "due to the pain and embarrassment". The implant consists of plastic plates and surgical steel coiled like a roll of coins.

However that's not the saddest part, he was awarded $750,000 but the judge ruled that it was excessive and gave him $400,000.

Now if you have a shred of compassion in your cold black hearts your immediate thought should be, "that's not enough!" If your thinking otherwise don't even bother reading on.

I think we all remember the lady who spilled hot McDonald's coffee on her lap and got like $4 million for the 2nd degree burns on her thigh.

You and I know that was a frivolous law suit but this poor guy, while he might be ready to rock and roll whenever he wants, the in between moments must SUCK!!! He should get at least $2 million in my opinion.

Now for my favorite part, the name of the implant was, "The Dura-II", this guy definitely found the add for The Dura-II in the yellow pages or a late night infomercial.

The Dura-II sounds like the name of a blender invented by Ron Popeil and if you dont know who Ron Popeil is click here

This guy needs a telethon hosted by me to raise money for the settlement he should've gotten.