Thursday, August 31, 2006

Lets Make Fun of Arabs

Lets be honest, there's nothing funnier than looking in the mirror and making fun of your own people. Unfortunately there aren't any funny Arab comedians. "But Shobrawy, if there are no funny Arab comedians who will make fun of Arabs for us?" The next closest race of course...Mexicans! Yup and one Mexican particular has taken it upon himself to make fun of Arabs almost everyday. His name is Carlos Mencia and here some of my favorite clips making fun of Arabs.

Verizoon Wireless of Iraq

The Rich Sheik

Chili's of Arabia

I'm Sick!

I'm seriously I have a cold or flu or something, maybe I have bird flu, who knows. Either way I'm miserable, it hurts to look at the screen, as a result I will be taking a break today, sorry guys. The worst part about being sick, besides feeling like dog doo doo, is that there is a bunch I want to write about, like Hugo Chavez and his trip to Syria
, Saudi Arabia to ban woman near the Kabba during Hajj
and Saudi Arabia Airlines banning Saudi women from being stewardesses I'll be back to normal tomorrow, hopefully.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A Farwell To Naguib.

One of the greatest men in Egyptian History died today. Naguib Mahfouz, the noble prize winning Egyptian Author passed this morning at the age of 94.

Not just the best Egyptian writer in history but one of the best writers of the 20th century, Mahfouz captured the intricacies of life in Egypt while conveying themes common to all people, love, death, poverty and perseverance over oppression. His universal themes and compelling writing led to nearly a hundred English translations and over half of his writings being transformed into film.

Mahfouz’s was politically conscious throughout his life and expressed tolerance and acceptance, a stance that brought controversy to his life. In 1959 Mahfouz published Children of Gebalawi which was banned by Al-Azhar. A fatwa was released on his life by an Egyptian Jihadist group in the 80s and an assassination attempt was made on him in 1994 in which he was stabbed. Despite the sentiments of fundamentalist groups Mahfouz was truly loved by the Arab world and his work will remain for future generations as an everlasting memory of him.


Naguib Mahfouz and I share a special connection, this blog (Whisper of Madness) was named after his very first story published in 1938.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006


A collection of blog posts catching my eye.

Raja and the Lebanese bloggers report on the newest saga in the Lebanon/Israel war. As some of you may know Italy has sent troops today
but before they can get their hands dirty Italys Foreign Minster has a few ideas regarding Hezbollah, Raja has the rest.

Its no secret, extremely horny, sexually suppressed men are a common feature of the Middle East (and the world actually). Sexual harassment and possibly groping is a common occurrence, so what can be done to change this reality? Sandmonkey has an idea, even though it makes me queasy!

Miss Carnivorousness and Muammar Ghaddafi have a romantic encounter...with each other! This is better than a Penthouse letter.

Ahmed Zevail, Noble Prize winning Egyptian, has answers to Middle East and its growing complexities. The Arabist has the story.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Disturbing Cause For Soldiers Suicide.

While sorting through my Iraq news resources I stumbled unto a disturbing story of a British soldier
who committed suicide before he could be deployed to Iraq.

Pvt. Jason Chelsea, 19, an infantryman from Wigan, England, swallowed a handful of pills and slit his wrists when he found out he would be sent to Iraq. It took him 4 days to die but before he could succomb on his death bed he told his parents, "I can't go out there and shoot at young children", "I don't care what side they are on. I can't do it"

Chelsea's mother told reporters her son was warned in basic training that children could be used as suicide bombers. She added that her son had been bullied during basic training which led to a previous suicide attempt and a drinking problem which partially contributed to her sons death.

The Ministry of Defense is investigating the death as well as the circumstances experienced during Chelsea's basic training.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Egyptian Seamen Stranded In S. Carolina.

I love this story! Allow me to summarize...

  • Egyptian shipping freighter gets docked in Charleston, South Carolina by a court order indefinitely until an international lawsuit is resolved.
  • Boat is docked for 2 months. (still docked actually)
  • 29 Member crew is not allowed to leave the boat under any circumstance.
  • Crew is subjected to head counts by the coast guard every 4 hours!
  • The owners of the boat, Misr Edco Shipping, hasn't paid the crew for 9 months.
  • Captain of the boat has a heart attack while stranded on the boat and is taken to a hospital.
  • Local Residents feel so bad for the crew they are offering supplies, phone calls and doctor visits.
Adding insult to injury, the newspaper reporting quotes the Captain verbatim, "The crew asking, need to go home" and adds "In broken English". Oh really you mean a foreigner doesn't speak proper English? Imagine that!

How pathetic is this, these guys have been completely abandoned by their company and country, they have probably run out of their hummus and falafel rations and nice, generous, American locals are the only people who care.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Penis Pump or Bomb

Here's a little advice, if your carrying a penis enlarger pump in your luggage and you don't want your mom to know, no matter what you do, don't tell security its a bomb and if your Muslim and your name is Madin Azad Amin it might be an exceptionally bad idea. A small part of me almost feels bad for this guy.

Nahhh nevermind.

Hitler...The Restaurant?

A restaurant has been named after Hitler, "Hitler's Cross" actually, and where is it located, Bombay India of all places! This is just nutty. Don't get me wrong, if someone would have named a restaurant "Stalin's Cross" no one would care, but that's the point, the owners of this restaurant chose the name because Adolf Hitler is the most famous and hated villain in the history of the world, they wanted to be shocking and it is, from the name all the way down to the Swastika in place of the "O" in Cross. Check it out.

By the way the best part of the article is at the end when one of the restaurant patrons blatantly compares George Bush to Saddam Hussein and Hitler.

Insurgent Propaganda Via YouTube.Com

A message from the insurgent fighters in Iraq to Americans. I found this on while searching for combat video from Iraq. Apparently the insurgents intend to use to spread their views to Americans. I don't know what to say about it, its mostly propaganda but still interesting. Check it out, I insist!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The News Bomb!

The News Bomb, the newest feature on Whisper of Madness. A listing of news stories worth mentioning but not worthy of a whole post.

-The terrorist on death row in Indonesia for the 2002 Bali bombings has been caught planning new attacks from his cell with a smuggled in laptop and wireless connection. Where do I start with this? First of all, how the hell does the jack ass get his hands on a laptop and air card, that's not the easiest thing to smuggle. Secondly, is there a place on earth with an efficient death penalty? Its moments like this that make me appreciate Saudi Arabia's execution machine, they just take the guy out and hack his head off. Why does the guy have to sit there and soak up tax money for years?!

-Yet another human rights organization accuses Israel of war crimes, this time its Amnesty International. Let me tell you why I find this nice and juicy. I have a friend who when I last talked to him expressed that the U.N. was completely ineffective because they don't serve anyone's purpose, basically they risk pissing everyone off (basically just the U.S. and Israel). He did say however that he respects the work of Amnesty International.
Well hear it is buddy, you know who you are!

-Iranians the new pirates? I think so, lets review the facts. Iran fired on a Romanian oil rig off the Iranian coast, boarded it and held the workers captive for hours.

-The BBC compiles the history of Egyptian train disasters. Egyptian negligence documented for your reading pleasure.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I Have A Problem!

I have a problem, its not the kind of problem that is worthy of an after school special or anything but any problem, no matter how small, if allowed to continue long enough can become catastrophic, a problem of epic proportions!

I can't ever decide what I want when I'm at a restaurant. I stare at the menu forever and I read the names of dishes, Hibachi Steak, Cajun Jumbalaya Pasta, Miso Salmon, etc. I could stare at these names all night long, I sit there terrified that I'm going to order something that tastes like Maradona's jock strap. Eventually the waitress comes to the table and everyone is ready to order but me, so in a last ditch effort I turn to the person next to me and say, "I have no idea what I want, why don't you just order for me?" Sometimes I look at the waitress and say with a frown, "could you please order for me", that doesn't work however, she ends up reading the whole menu to me while everyone at the table gets impatient and pissed and I find myself in the same situation.

I have a new technique, if I go out somewhere to eat and its planned in advance, I go online and read the Menu off the restaurants website. Tonight is one of those nights.

P.S. Tonight I am going to a "going away" party for two acquaintances, it guarantees to be a bitter/sweet experience. There will be some evil people there that make me cringe when I see them and there will also be some friends. I weighed my options and I think the pleasure of seeing some friends coupled with the opportunity for a GREAT story is more than worth the evil trolls that will undoubtedly be there.

Italy Threatens Israel

You know that agreement the U.N. passed, that line in the sand that says 'Do Not Cross'? Ya know that cease-fire thingy! If your not already aware, it might interest you to know it has been violated already. There was a "raid" in the Bekaa Valley to disrupt "weapons shipments" from Iran and Syria and there was an air strike in Baalbeck which Israel denies. So with the words "Fragile Ceasefire" posted all over the news how do the foreign peacekeepers feel? Italy todayhas threatened to not send peacekeepers "If Israel keeps shooting". You might be thinking "who cares if Italy withholds peacekeepers" well if you are then your a dumb ass because Italy has offered 3,000 troops, more than any other country, they have the leverage to threaten, mostly because Israel's demands of the cease fire revolved around peace keeping troops moving into south Lebanon. So what will happen next? Israel will throw the Italian troops a couple loaves of bread and a slice of garlic and they will happily march into south Lebanon. This wont turn into anything, Italy is just marinating in their opportunity to throw some weight around at Israel.

Funny 'Cause It's True.

A rip from Sandmonkey that really warmed my heart!

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Arab League Agrees On Darfur.

The Arab League wants to postpone a U.N. council meeting on the Darfur crisis indefinitely. Why? Well no one knows exactly but Human Rights Watch has a guess. Kenneth Roth and Human Rights Watch believe the Arab nations intend to disrupt U.N. intervention in Darfur out of loyalty to Sudans Arab/Islamic Government and in support of Sudans Darfur plan which was rejected by the U.N. earlier this week.

Things in the Arab world never seem to make sense. The Arab nations can never agree on anything, they blame each other for their plight and the success of the Israeli occupation but they somehow find it convenient to agree on Sudan. You know what these countries need? A P.R. person! If your going to agree on one thing every 10 years, it probably shouldn't be on mass genocide in a country that's on everyone's watch list, you know what I'm saying?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Israel & Lebanon War: By The Numbers


• Deaths: 157 total — 118 soldiers and 39 civilians.

• Wounded: 860.

• Number of buildings destroyed: no official figures, but tax authorities report more than 6,000 claims for damaged buildings and more are expected as displaced people return home.

• Number of strikes: 3970 Hezbollah rockets, 901 of them inside cities.

• Number of displaced people: 300,000.

• There were no school days lost because they were not in session.

• Many businesses in the north of the country were closed throughout the war. No specific figures were available.

• Tourism: $80 million of lost revenue during the war, many hundreds of millions in projected losses in the future months because of the war.

• Damage to transportation system: Not immediately available.

• Overall damage: Media reports say about $3 billion in damages and lost revenue, but do not give a source for that estimate. Israeli Finance Minister Avraham Hirschon could give no precise figure but said it would be "many billions."

• Access to water and electricity: Isolated water and electricity lines hit; repairs made within 48 hours.



• Deaths: 845 total — 743 civilians, 34 soldiers and 68 Hezbollah. Israel says it killed about 530 guerrillas. The Higher Relief Council put the overall death toll at 1,181 and said one-third were children and the majority were civilians.

• Wounded: 4,051.

• Number of buildings destroyed: More than 15,000 homes — houses or individual apartments within buildings. About 900 commercial structures, including farms and factories.

• Number of strikes: Lebanese officials reported, unofficially, more than 4,500 Israeli bombing raids on Lebanon. Israel would provide no figures of the number of its strikes in Lebanon.

• Number of displaced people: 916,000, or about one-fourth of the population.

• There were no school days lost because they were not in session.

• Figures on business days lost were not available, but up to 75 percent of the people were unemployed or unable to work because of fighting or gasoline shortages.

• Tourism: Hundreds of millions of dollars in lost revenue and repairs to facilities, but no specific figure available.

• Damage to transportation system: 400 miles of roads; 80 bridges; the international airport.

• Overall damage: At least $3.5 billion to infrastructure; $9.4 billion overall, including clean up of a major oil spill from an Israeli strike on a storage facility at a Beirut power plant.

• Access to water and electricity was severely interrupted. About $180 million in damage to the electricity grid; $70 million to the water treatment and delivery system.

source: Associated Press

What Is Tolerance?

Many bloggers and media outlets have written about Iran's Holocaust cartoon contest. So far every post I have read has been critical of the contest calling it a "holocaust denial contest", "anti-Semitic cartoon contest"etc. 200 of the submittions to the contest are on display in Paris this week fueling outcry from the French Jewish community and condemnation from the Mayor of Paris. Cartoons that are clearly in protest of a countries politics and have absolutely nothing to do with Judaism are being labeled as anti-Semitic like this one from an American cartoonist.

This all sounds familiar, no? I remember it vaguely there was a cartoon that was the essence of Anti-Semitism, it was a distasteful ridicule of a Semite and a Semitic religion. Ahh yes the Mohammed cartoons. Was it wrong when some Muslims in the middle east responded to the cartoon with violence, yes. Does that make the cartoon O.K., no.

The nature of this topic requires me to be extremely candid regarding my beliefs and opinions and so here I go.

I find it shameful and inappropriate to make caricatures or jokes which are disrespectful towards anyone’s religion, be it Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism or any other religion. When I watch television and see a cartoon in which Jesus is depicted as being homosexual, I cringe, its beyond poor taste, its antagonistic towards Christians. When A professor posted the Mohammed cartoon on a projector in front of his class without regard for the beliefs of his students, I cringed. There are many people in Academia, in the media, in entertainment, whose adherence of respect for others religions are nonexistent.

I believe very strongly in freedom of speech, however most of us acknowledge the limits of freedom of speech. Shouting "FIRE" in a crowded theatre is abuse of that freedom and I believe, so is the distasteful ridicule of someone else's religion. This isn't a foreign concept to the West at all. The insistence of reverence towards another religion is the same exact principle that makes "Anti-Semite"” such a strong accusation. It is directed at comments which are an attack on Jews and the Jewish religion.

So lets not get it twisted, when a cartoon depicts a politician or the politics of a country whose state religion happens to be Judaism, that's not an attack on Judaism now is it? If there is a cartoon in the Holocaust cartoon contest which is an attack on the Jewish RELIGION or of Jewish prophets, then those individual cartoons should be condemned. Everyone should stand against attacks on religion no matter whose religion they attack, this was not the case in the Mohammed cartoon debate, instead it was posed that 'this is free speech' and that Muslims should be more tolerant, where is that tolerance now? Is it tolerance that causes people to shout "Anti-Semite" against cartoons that attack the politics and policies of Israel?

How Ironic.

Peru- A man drinks "good luck" potion and dies. What luck, does it get any better than that, I love stupid people.

It's no secret that out there, far away, tucked in some third world village, are medicine men (or women for you feminists out there). People go to them and say, "Yo Doc, I got this problem" and the Doc says, "ahhhh yes, I know exactly what you need", at which point the medicine man gives him a chickens foot, wrapped in gorilla pubes and soaked in horse urine. Anyone who puts thier faith in this crap deserves what they get and this guy really got it.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


A collection of blog posts catching my eye.

When is a definite military loss counted as a victory, when your a crazy Jihady scum bag, that's when. Egypt's Muslim Brotherhood is no different, trying to capitalize on Hezbollahs "victory" Big Pharaoh has the rest.

With the implementation of a Israel/Hezbollah cease fire Monday morning all we can do now is wait and see whether it will stay or whether it will go. Tomscud and the good people at Aqoul have 15 ways of looking at a cease fire

Too lazy to take a shower this morning, Miss Carnivorous wishes she had that problem, she couldn't take a shower if she tried. She's stinking it up over at Carnivorousness

Israel lost the popular opinion? That's what the Sudanese Thinker is saying. Check it out

The End Is Near!

We've seen so many awful things in recent years that have caused some people to wonder, is the end near? 9/11, war in Iraq, devastating natural disasters and the most recent clashes in the Middle East. Today I'm writing to tell you, YES the apocalypse is here and I will tell you how I know. Scientists at the University of Nebraska Medical Center have released a study suggesting that hot dogs could possibly be a cause of mutations and cancer.

If Hot dogs, also known as Gods gift to mankind, become so bad for you that they cause cancer, certainly God is ready to bring it all in and close up shop.

Seriously I'm devastated, just yesterday I was telling my friend I could live on hot dogs and hot dogs alone for the rest of my life. You might be thinking, "eww, hot dogs?" If you are I'll tell you right now there is something severely wrong with you, maybe you weren't raised right, I don't know. Saying you don't like hot dogs is like saying you don't like puppies or sunshine.

Let me tell all the normal, hot dog lovers where you can find the best hot dogs in the world.

The Wieners Circle. 2622 N. Clark St., Chicago, IL

Gene and Judes 2720 River Road, River Grove, IL

SUPERDAWG 6363 N. Milwaukee Avenue, Chicago, IL


Gray's Papaya. 2090 Broadway, Corner 71st, New York City, NY

Lisa Simpson contemplates the ingredients of hot dogs.


Is it narcissistic to be obsessed with your own blog?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Guess Who Has Joined The Blogosphere!

President Mahmood Ahmadinejad of Iran, thats who. Thats right, dispite Irans bans on blogging sites, someone just couldnt resist.

So what is he writing about? What else, nationalistic gibberish. I'll be keeping my eye on this.

Here's the blog.

Here's the article.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

State Of The Art Weaponry?

Ahhhh Hezbollah, they’re like a pack of farmers that stumbled into an old Russian weapons cache behind the tool shed. Remember the first week of fighting? Nasrallah said, ‘We have weapons with great capabilities yet to be seen’, something to that effect right? Now that we are on the verge of a cease fire (supposedly) it seems as though we might never see any explosive goodies. Just yesterday Hezbollah shot down a helicopter, Israel is saying it was with a shoulder fired anti-tank weapon, of course Hezbollah is claiming they used the newest in terrorist defense resources and naturally they’ve given it a fancy Arabic name, the “Waad” yup that’s right the Waad is the newest in state of the art Jihady defense. I don’t think Israel has much to worry about when it comes to Hezbollah’s “advanced” arsenal.

Israeli citizens aren’t ready to come out of their bomb shelters yet however. Israel has stated they expect Hezbollah to make a last ditch effort before the cease fire comes to a head. If Hezbollah does unleash a new weapon what do you think they’ll call it?


Friday, August 11, 2006

CNN Broadcaster Grills Israeli Government Spokesperson

This isn't something I'm used to seeing, especially not on CNN. I wonder if this lady still has a job.

Watch the clip here.

Slow News Day, Ends In Hilarity

Apparently I over estimated the medias coverage of the newest U.K. terror plot. I searched all forms of news near and far and found nothing remotely interesting to tell you about. I expect something unique to materialize in the coming days but as for now the entire media worlds coverage can be summed up in a few short words…

-Islamic terrorists.



-Liquid explosives.


If you read the news you’ll find that any other words are just filler. Luckily I did have an entertaining encounter regarding the terror plot at the convenience store.

This morning I went to my friends place downtown which means I had to park by a meter. I didn’t have any quarters so I decided to go into the convenience store and buy something in order to break my bill into quarters. I grabbed a bottle of water and got in line to pay. While waiting in line I noticed the two guys at the counter were Palestinian. They were going back and forth in Arabic talking about each others moms and talking about the boobs of a girl in line. I was loving it of course. Finally I get to the front of the line, place my bottle on the counter and ask “ALI” if he could give me my change back in quarters. He says sure and then the following ensued…

ALI-You cant bring this on the plane anymore huh? (laughing)

Me- Uhhh no I guess not, you have to throw it out or something.

ALI- Yea, that’s ok just come back to us, we’ll fill it up for you. (Winks at me and starts laughing)

I thought it was funny but I don’t think anyone else did, I looked at the American guy next to me who looked like he just crapped in his pants, he probably called Homeland Security as soon as he walked out.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

New Terror Plot Unveiled And The Blogosphere Creeps By

New terrorist threat, new terror plot! You know what that means, everyone is searching the blogosphere for opinions and analysis. Well you may have noticed that bloggers are publishing at a crawl, near stand still pace. I don't know why but I was in the same exact mood today as far as writing.

Have no fear however, right now this U.K., 10 plane, liquid explosion bonanza is in its first trimester. I as well as many other bloggers will be writing about this tomorrow morning once the dust has settled. Should be interesting and it should function as my second opportunity at implementing, "The Mixer" if you don't know what that is...just scroll down. Until then, I will see you.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Reporters And Refugees Shelled While Traveling To U.N. Safe Haven

British report tracks status of Lebanese refugees. Watch as refugee convoy and reporters are attacked while traveling to a U.N. base.

Iranian Tattoos

Let me explain to you a common human characteristic, when you push people too hard they push back. That's what's happening in Iran, they are slowly becoming the most liberal conservative country in the Muslim world. Now the people are rebelling through tattoos and its mostly woman getting them. Tattoos of what? All the cute stuff, unicorns, butterflies and flowers but its not all cute stuff, tattoos of marijuana leaves are popular too, even Hebrew letters! Are these people crazy, what if the religious police find out? Check out the full story here.


Something new for you, "The Mixer". A collection of blog posts catching my eye.

Eleven Egyptian students were reported missing to the department of homeland security this week when they faild to report to their foreign student exchange program in Montana. Sandmonkey has the story here for you.

Sex, drugs and drinking may be the pitfalls of youth in America but suicide bombing is apparently a strong temptation for youth in the middle east.Hence the Suicide bomber PSA. (a rip from Swordfish)
Hmm drugs or blow myself up, drugs or blow myself up? Its hard out there for the youth of today Sandmonkey has the rest.

Hosni Moubarak the Embassador to Israel? Thats what the protesters are saying, the people are pissed he condemned Hezbollah, I think they would have prefered him riding into Israel on the back of a Russian built tank. Big Pharaoh has the story.

The Observer is observing Lebanon/Israel/Hezbollah, Here it is for you

Haifa Wehbe Cries

Haifa crying on LBC. Some of you may have allready seen this but its new to me. To those of you who dont know who Haifa Wehbe is, shes only one of the hottest and most untalented singers in the Middle east.

P.S. Is it wrong that watching her cry kinda turns me on? I keep pressing play!

How To Kick A Man When He’s Down

A couple days ago while speaking in front of Arab foreign ministers regarding the diminishing infrastructure of his country, Lebanese Prime Minister Fouad Siniora broke down into tears.(Watch it here) It was sad but the Arab world looked on it and saw a genuine reaction from a man who has now become as much a victim as his people. Israels Foreign Minster wasn’t as kind, her reaction was more akin to ‘Stop crying you big baby’. Israel Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni added that Siniora’s weakness is to blame for the suffering of the Israelis and the suffering of the Lebanese people. In my opinion what separates Fouad Siniora from other World leaders is that he knows he’s subject to whatever the countries in the neighborhood (who are stronger militarily) want to do. He has begged the U.N., U.S., E.U and Arab League to intervene but to no avail. If he wanted to look domineering and save face he could’ve acted like a tough guy and done the usual and tedious political hard-hitting talk, instead the people will love him for showing his humanity. The Lebanese people need an emotional reaction to draw them towards Siniora’s moderate democracy instead of being pushed towards support for Hezbollah. If George Bush opened his cold black heart on 9/11 and shed tears on television, your telling me you wouldn’t have loved him for it?

Lebanese Oil Spill

Remember the first week of the war? Bombings went like this, airport, bridges, power plant/oil reserves. Well now that oil supply is leaking into the Mediterranean sea and could potentially challenge the scale of the Exxon Valdez disaster of 1989. If that’s not bad enough the oil also contains power plant fuel which contains benzene, one of the most potent cancer causing agents. The best part? The coastal current travels north and is carrying the waste to Syria. It’s a win/win situation for Israel.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

George Galloway on Sky News

Extremely exciting debate between Sky News and George Galloway, one of the worlds most adept wordsmiths and debaters. I strongly recommend you watch it, if not for its political content than for its entertainment value.

Here it is for your viewing pleasure

Sunday, August 06, 2006

The Most Awkward And Excruciating Night In Recent History!

Ask yourself, what do you think it would it be like for Michael Jordan to watch Chris Farley play professional basketball? Excruciating, right? That’s what its like for me to watch certain people in social gatherings. Being Egyptian has made me a MASTER conversationalist. How you ask? If you’re Egyptian or if you know any Egyptians you might be aware that Egyptians have, by far, the shortest attention span out of any race of people in the whole world. You could be sitting across the table from a group of Egyptians contemplating suicide and instead of listening to you they will be focused on some jerk cracking jokes about whatever, I’m that jerk! Through out my development I mastered the art of face to face conversation and how to keep the rooms attention.

Last night was particularly excruciating evening, let me lay out the scenario for you. My mother invited this American lady, who she barely knows, over to the house for dinner. Attending the dinner would be myself, my mother, my brother, my cousin “UniBrow” and his wife visiting from Egypt, my uncle the pervert as well as the American lady and her husband. We will refer to the American couple as “Mary and Joseph”

One of the characters that may have stuck out to you is “my uncle the pervert”. My uncle is a genius, he was the first person of my family to come to the U.S., he owns more real estate than Donald Trump and he is one of the most acute intellectuals I have had the pleasure of knowing but his one weakness is his dirty old man syndrome. My uncle could tell a story that would make Larry Flynt blush. On top of telling the crudest jokes and stories he sometimes has a habit of telling them to the wrong people. Last night was one of those times.

We sat down at the dinner table and my uncle began what would inevitably be a dirty joke. From the onset you could see where the story was going, “Joseph” interjected and said, “If its one of those kinds of jokes you shouldn’t continue, “Mary” doesn’t like that sort of thing”. Mary adds, “I’m a nurse for a Protestant Ministry”. Awkward Moment #1. My uncle says, “O.K. I won’t continue”

That was a very stern warning but did that stop my uncle? Of course not, he carried on with several other dirty jokes, he submitted another one about every 10 mins or so. The following are a few samples of awkward moments…

Awkward Moment #27- My uncle tells a joke in which a calf mistakes a naked mans wiener for its mother’s udder.

Awkward Moment #38-My uncle explains that Howard Hughes was a genius because he wouldn’t allow his mistress to drive over train tracks. Why? So that her perfect breasts wouldn’t be disturbed.

Awkward Moment #39- My uncle expresses his approval of Howard Hughes’ theory and that, “I don’t allow my wife to not wear a bra, I know what sagging breasts look like and I wont allow it”

Awkward Moment #52- My uncle tells Mary to turn her head because he is going to tell another joke, she gets up and walks away.

At this point I decide that this is all too good to pass up so I sit on the couch adjacent from the dinning room table and take notes on the train wreck before me. I was stopped several times and asked, “What are you writing there” My response, “uhhh it’s a science experiment”

My uncle wasn’t alone in his ill timed commentary, at one point during the dinner, while everyone is eating my brother explains that, “flies eat dog poop by spitting acid on it and sucking up the juices.” I wish I was making this up.

Finally I excused myself, “I need to go to the store”. My cousin looked at me and said, “You just want to get out of here.” Shortly After returning from the store in the middle of Awkward Moment #172, I explained that I must return to my apartment, I said my goodbyes and got out before my uncle could finish Awkward Moment #175.

Saudi Arabia To Israel- 'Where's My Money?'

In the middle of a war and the deaths of hundreds of innocent civilians where can you find the Saudi Arabians? Where else, looking for a pay check. Thats right, a group of Saudi business men intend to sue Israel for thier lost investments in Lebanon totalling $14 billion.

If this was coming from another Mid East country like Syria, I would say it was only out of spite but this is Saudi Arabia, they love Money like a fat kid loves cake!

You can read the whole story here.

Something To Be Proud Of.

This summer my Palestinian/American friend “Pali G” decided to vacation in the Middle East, he wanted to go to Palestine but decided it would be too dangerous and that Lebanon would be MUCH better. This is his story….
When the bombing started my first thought was “man I cant wait to write about this”, then it struck me, Pali G! I rushed to his MySpace page to see if he was still active online and thus, ALIVE.

The message on Pali G’s page said, “you will never know what its like to wake up to the concussion of bombs!” Now that I knew he was alive we could exchange messages which we did until his page read, “I’m Coming Home!”

Yesterday I called him, he told me some funny stories about him almost getting bombed on the beach and how he would hear jets, missiles and explosions, respectively. You could tell he’d already told the story a million times but his excitement skyrocketed when he told me the next part.


About two and a half weeks after the bombing started he was finally notified by the U.S. Embassy that a ferry boat would take him to Cyprus and from there a U.S. military aircraft would return them to U.S. soil. Pali G arrived at the dock at 6 a.m. where he was instructed that he and 3,000 other people would have to wait. They stood and waited till 8 p.m. when they were loaded onto an Egyptian ferry boat. (The Egyptian boat was probably late) I felt so proud when Pali G, who makes fun of Egyptians all the time, told me that the Egyptian ferry boat crew were the kindest, most generous people he had ever met. They invited him into the control room where they made him tea and insisted that he stay in the control room with them for the duration of the trip. Upon leaving he expressed to the other passengers how kind and sweet the crew was to which they responded, “Yea of course they are Egyptian”. I wish I was making this up! Over the course of the escape he ended up on his feet for 22 hours but as he put it, “the Egyptian crew made it enjoyable and when we arrived in Cyprus I didn’t want to leave the ship”

I couldn’t be more proud, so to all you Egyptians who take pleasure bashing on your fellow countrymen, I hope you take pride in the love and hospitality your people provided to strangers during an extremely tough time.

The Cousin Chimes In On Egypt

I’m extremely excited about my cousin “UniBrow” being in town, for numerous reasons. Its his first time here, he’s my favorite cousin and his insights on Egyptian politics are ones of rational well informed thought, I know with him I’m not going to get any wild opinions on either far end of the spectrum. Another reason why I look forward to his analysis is that he generally offers an opinion which is contrary to those by most activist bloggers who write about Egypt. Alright lets get to the Q & A, obviously questions will be from me, answers will be from UniBrow.

Q: What do you think will happen when Hosni Mubarak dies and he tries to give power to his son Gamal?

A: If the law is changed so that Gamal can take power “legally” the majority of people will accept it. If Hosni dies suddenly without changing the law it will get messy because their will be a scramble for power, Generals, Muslim Brotherhood, Judges and other extremist groups will all make claims for power.

Q: If the people had a free election and they could elect whoever they want, who would win?

A: There is no question that Gamal would win.

I must admit I found that surprising only because it’s the opposite of what Egyptians living abroad and Egyptians in the blogosphere have said.

Q: What about the Muslim Brotherhood, don’t you think a lot of people would vote for them like they did in the last election?

A: No, the government is very capable of controlling the election results, with that being said, they didn’t have to let the MB win any seats, they gave them a few seats in order to pacify them and pacify the people who think that the MB is the answer to their problems.

Q: What do you think about all these blogs popping up in Egypt?

A: Ah yes blogs, they have become very popular in Egypt and more and more people are turning to them as a way of corresponding information concerning the will of the people instead of listening to state run media.

Slightly varying insight then what many of us have heard, maybe it’s the opinion of just one man, maybe it reflects the thoughts of many living in Egypt.

Coming Soon!

I've been getting a bunch of Emails asking me, "where are the stories about your cousin", "I cant wait to hear the stories" etc. Well as you can imagine I have been running around the city being a tour guide for the last 3 days and I am exhausted! So I don't have anything for you at this exact moment but don't worry because by Sunday night I will have a whole booty load of stories for you including other blog worthy items, I promise. Here is a prelude to posts you can expect to see...

-My cousin "UniBrow's" inside opinions on Mubarak, the Muslim Brotherhood and blogging in Egypt.

-My friend has returned from Lebanon after being stranded and then rescued, he came back with an interesting story that I am extremely proud of.

-I just received a book from a friend concerning the Israel/Palestine conflict, its not what you might expect and I can't wait to tell you about it.


-What happens when you put together my Cousin fresh from Egypt, my Mom, my Brother, my Uncle the pervert, myself and two conservative Protestant Americans? The most excruciating and awkward night I've had in a very long time!

All this and more when we meet again.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Human Rights Watch and Kenneth Roth Accuse Israel of ‘War Crimes’

Human Rights Watch- “Israeli claims that Hizbullah was using civilians as human shields proved false.”


According to the HRW, none of the Israeli attacks documented in the report resulted in Hizbullah casualties or the destruction of weapons. "Rather, the attacks have killed and wounded civilians who were fleeing their homes after the IDF issued instructions to evacuate."

“Israeli warnings of imminent attacks do not turn civilians into military targets,” said Roth. “Otherwise, Palestinian militant groups might ‘warn’ Israeli settlers to leave their settlements and then feel justified in attacking those who remained.”


The accusations keep piling up, those who find Israeli leadership to be infallible can stay in their state of denial until the end of days. So far condemnation has come from all angles, the U.N., The E.U., Bill Clinton, Human Rights Watch and an infinite number of international news sources. Can international out cry put pressure on the U.S. and Israel to act accordingly?

Read the whole story here, by Israeli news source Ynet

This Just In: Nasrallah and Israeli Leaders Sucked Into Time Warp: Return Confused.

Sometime late last night Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah and Israeli military leadership were sucked into a time warp predating the war. Today, upon return both sides made several outmoded comments.

Hassan Nasrallh made the first comments warning against an Israeli attack on Beirut.

-If you hit
Beirut, the Islamic resistance will hit Tel Aviv and is able to do that with God's help

Out of reverence for Nasrallah’s supreme Sheikhness, advisors were too scared to tell him that Beirut has already been bombed.

Israeli military leadership responded through several news outlets with similarly outdated comments.

-If Hezbollah did strike Tel Aviv, Israel would target Lebanese infrastructure.

Statements were made earlier today revealing that Israeli leadership is completely unaware that Lebanon no longer has an infrastructure as of the first week of bombing.

Scientists in Israel are now clamoring to update leadership since their return.

Israeli officials attempted to reach American scientist Steven Hawking to help explain the inter-dimensional time warp but he was unavailable for comment.

Read the whole story here here

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mel Gibson and the American Media

As I've grown I've become a coniseur of news which means increasingly I find American news sources to be inadequate. For anyone who doesn't think our news is heavily and intentionally biased let me tell you this, the news doesn't seem to be crap when all you see is American news, expose yourself to the news of the world and the truth is painfully clear. This is what I am exposed to on a regular basis....

-Infinite human interest stories. Ex. "Elton John to Rockers: Learn to Dress. Come on is this really news worthy?!

-Extremely slanted reports to push the stations political objectives. Ex. "Can the U.N. Save the Day in the Middle East? In this article, U.S. ambassador to the U.N, John Bolton, talks about "using" the U.N. to bring democracy to Lebanon. I didn't know Lebanon was without a democracy.

-Ruthless character assassinations, like the most recent attacks on Mel Gibson. This is the point I would like to elaborate on...

If you love Mel Gibson that's a little odd, If you have no opinion I think that's more normal and if you hate him there is probably something wrong with you, hating a complete stranger is severely odd.

Gibson is the medias newest pariah, it's become fashionable to bash on him and now that he's been arrested for drunken driving the news is flocking to his shame. Gibson was regarded as any celebrity is, until he made The Passion of the Christ, which makes me wonder who would have a problem with a religious movie. Well I know that Muslims were not offended, nor were Christians but Jews were, today I heard a Rabbi say, "Mel Gibson proved he is an anti-Semite when he spent 25 million dollars to make a movie blaming Jews for killing God." Uhhh, that's a little silly, no?

So if its primarily Jews who take issue with Gibsons movie then why is the media so veracious in attacking him? Polls have showed that the average person doesn't care but for some reason the media does, which leads me to my final question. If people don't care about Gibsons DUI, why are they reporting about it so excessively? I really don't know, tell me what you think.

My Mother Is Trying To Kill Me.

I live in downtown Chicago and my parents live in the suburbs so I do my best to come back to the burbs to spend time with my family. I'm starting to believe it would be in my best interest to stay in Chicago. Every time I come home my Mother insists on feeding me, which is fine, I like her cooking and it saves me money, but my Mom has a problem, shes cheap! Sometimes cheap people, specifically housewives, push the limits of expiration dates on food but my mom doesn't just push those limits, she doesn't believe they exist. Last week when I was at her house, I went to the freezer and took a package of ground beef, when I got back to my place I made some hamburgers on the George Foreman Grill. After I finished my burgers I looked at the meat that was left and found a couple green speckles.

Q: How old does meat have to be to go bad in the freezer?

A: Really really old!

Needless to say I got sick. My mother refused to believe the meat was bad, she almost suggested I was making it up.

Today I'm home again, I grabbed a jar of sundried tomatoes out of the fridge that has grown some sort of algae. I swear to you these tomatoes were completely surrounded by a green and yellow fungus. My mother poked around it trying to see what she could salvage for half an hour, when she realized it was unsalvagable she got angry and yelled, "I paid 8 dollars for this jar!"

So Cheap!

Egyptian Goes To America... Let The Hilarity Begin

I'm excited to a euphoric extent. My favorite cousin in the whole world is arriving tomorrow from Egypt. He was just married at the end of July and now he and his new wife are coming here to Chicago. I'm not sure what I am more excited about, him coming here to visit or that I'll surely have a billion things to write about after he has left. The following is a list of possible topics that could arise as a result of his visit...

-The changing face of Egypt from a resident of Egypt point of view.
-The Israel/Lebanon war from the same perspective.
-Hot American women.
-Extreme culture shock.
-Awkward encounters with awkward Americans.

and finally

-The great English/Arabic language barrier.

My cousin speaks perfect English but I don't think he is prepared for the speed with which Americans speak or the slang terminology. To top it all off his wife doesn't speak a word of English except for maybe "hello" and "telephone", the latter being exactly the same in Arabic.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

A Little Racism For You

Mile High Racism


I Hate Extreme Liberals

Tonight I received a call from an old "friend" and everytime I talk to her I see that she's become increasingly delusional in terms of her world view. You know the type, idealistic, Che shirt wearing, capitalist hating, independent film watching, Inde punk rock listening, border line hippie. This girl is about as bad as it gets, she's so loony that she donates money to Green Peace every month even though she barely has enough money to eat. Everytime I talk to her she tells me some increasingly psychotic liberal nonsense. I think I'm going to stop answering her calls, I have a very low tolerance for ignorance and I think she is whittling away what I have left.